


Can't Say (I didn't see this coming)

by ThePlagueBeast



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Feel-good, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Humor, I have no idea what I'm doing, If you're not grinning by ch13 I messed up, It's not slow burn, Just Bear With Me, Mentions of alcoholism, Romantic Comedy, awoo, but there's some Real Shit, don't worry guys, it's mostly fun times, lots of talking about sex, mentions of depression, they just take a bit to meet, they're girlfriends now
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2019-12-06
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:54:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 20,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21543337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThePlagueBeast/pseuds/ThePlagueBeast
Summary: It's been the worst year of Clarke's life, everything she thought she had is gone. Everything except her family.orThe story of Clarke learning to lean on those who love her, and maybe love herself a little more for it.
Relationships: Clarke Griffin & John Murphy, Clarke Griffin & Raven Reyes, Clarke Griffin & Wells Jaha, Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Comments: 59
Kudos: 135





	1. Chapter 1

She can’t say she didn’t see it coming. 

Honestly, all the signs were there. They’d been flashing and sounding sirens for months, maybe years. She just didn’t want to believe it. Who would? When your highschool sweetheart romance beats the odds and you make it out of the college years together, live together, talk about getting married even? Spend a whole decade tied to each other by choice. Who would want to see that things were just… not working out?

Acknowledged or not, however, the end was coming. Far quicker than she had hoped. He had a sudden change of plans, a new job in a different city, leaving her to finish emptying their apartment. Still lacking a new place for herself, it was all going into a storage unit in a rundown part of town. It was all she could afford while she spent a week in a crappy motel room waiting for the current tenants to vacate the apartment she’d signed for.

It was in a decent area, with enough space for her friend and now-roommate, close to his job and near enough job opportunities for her. The hope that one would pan out was just about all that got her up in the mornings. 

Turned out the apartment wasn’t worth the price. A basement unit that leaked like a sieve every time it rained, with full carpet floors. They didn’t bother moving in more than the barest essentials of furniture, which wound up being two camp chairs and a folding table. Aside from how much ass it would suck to try and get real furniture down into the unit, everything that entered was at high risk of water damage.

Really the only reason they stayed was because it was too damn expensive to try and move again. First month/last month is a bitch.

So here they were, stuck in a soggy craphole that smelled of mold, desperately trying to find enough work to pay rent and actually feed themselves.

~~~~~~

“...Murphy!”

“Yeah?”

“Murphy!”

“What?”

“MURPHY!”

“Goddamnit wha-... oh. Oh shit. That’s a problem.”

“You think?! Murphy this is my bedroom! The whole floor feels like wet socks, I can’t sleep in here!”

“The living room is dry? Mostly…”

“Great. Just get me a bucket and call maintenance, please?” Clarke huffed before running to grab her clothes and the sleeping bag she’d been using in lieu of a bed, moving to dump them in the living room while Murphy returned with a bucket to shove under the pipe that was spewing out water.

~~~~~~

“Hey, Clarke?”

“Sup?”

“Is it just me or is it fucking freezing in here?”

“...how did I not notice? Jesus, I can’t feel my toes.”

“You were in the zone. Irrelevant. The fuck are we gonna do about the heat?”

“I’ll call maintenance, you go get a space heater from storage?”

“This blows chunks, you know that right?”

“Yep.”

Clarke pulled out her phone, thanking every deity that their maintenance guy had been kind enough to give his personal number after the flooding fiasco. A quick text with a prompt reply of ‘I’ll see what the landlord says, be by in an hour with extra heaters.’ She grumbled under her breath and grabbed a few blankets to nest in while she worked on a commission.

~~~~~~

“So Murphy, you’ll never guess who came by today.”

“I really want to say maintenance, and that they fixed the pipes and the heater and replaced the belt in the dryer… but I know it wasn’t.”

“You are correct.”

“Then who was it? I’m too tired for games.”

“Sheriff’s deputy. We are apparently being evicted.”

“Oh. Well. I can’t say I didn’t see that coming.”

“At least there’s not much to pack.”

Murphy groaned, more about the fact that everything they owned was moist than the fact that they had to try and find somewhere new by the end of the month.

~~~~~~

“I found a loophole!”

“For what?”

“The eviction, it’s winter, they can’t kick us out and risk us freezing to death.”

“Funny, since we’re at risk of freezing to death in here anyways. When are they replacing the fucking furnace?”

“Hell if I know. Want another blanket?”

“Yes please. Thanks Murph.” Clarke curled into her pile of blankets, rubbing her hands together to get a little more circulation. This was beyond ridiculous. The place was barely livable and they wanted them out? Absurd. No one else would ever live here if it was the last thing she did.

~~~~~~

“...Murphy?”

“Sup?”

“Why is the toilet broken?”

“You don’t remember?”

“Would I be asking if I did…?”

“Point. Short version: You got smashed and then the toilet suffered the same fate.”

“... fuck. I’ll call Lincoln.”

“Really fucking glad he gave you his number, huh?”

Clarke muttered an assent while she shot the Very Kind Maintenance Guy a text.

“What do we do in the meantime?”

“Bucket flush? The bowl’s intact so it’s just gonna be… gross.”

“What even is my life right now, Murph? What the fuck even is it?”

Murphy shrugged, returning to his room to faceplant on his futon cushion. Clarke sighed, grabbing the, thankfully no longer in use, bucket from what used to be her bedroom. 

~~~~~~

“God you guys weren’t kidding. This place is a wreck.”

“Right? How did no one ever notice that it’s basically one good rain from turning into a swimming pool?”

“If you find out, please tell me. I want to know what those college students were smoking to live here so long without complaint. I’d really love some.”

Lincoln shot Clarke a mock salute before heading back out to get the replacement parts for the dryer. Apparently that was what the landlord was willing to fix, not the lack of heat or the constant water pooling or even the toilet. Nah, the cheapest option was the dryer so that’s what got addressed. 

Clarke wiped her feet on the designated ‘I really don’t want to track more water through the room’ towel before settling down at her computer to get back to work. Fingers fucking crossed that she’d get it done and could start on the next piece and maybe be able to afford to actually pay rent like a real adult.

~~~~~~

“Clarke… You’ve got to get a part time job.”

“What? Why?”

“Your art just isn’t cutting it. We’re barely paying rent, the only reason power is on is thanks to that law against turning it off in winter, honestly the only bills we’re actually keeping up with are our phones and the internet. And I’d really fucking like to eat something other than ramen this month.”

“Murph… I can’t. You know I can’t. I’ll get like two paychecks and then SOMEthing will happen and… I just can’t deal with that on top of everything. I’ll double down on art, throw some extra feelers out, beg my regulars, whatever. I just… I can’t.”

Murphy sighed, running a hand through his hair while he watched Clarke shrink in on herself. He hated seeing her like this, this total lack of confidence in her abilities. Most especially her ability to keep a job. 

The first one wasn’t her fault, it was seasonal, it was going to end and they knew that going in. The second wasn’t really her fault either, it was almost impossible to get to work when the roads were iced up and the weather had been awful.

The emotional toll of just getting into the swing of things at a new place followed almost immediately by being unemployed again was taxing, to be sure. He sighed again, deciding to ask for more hours at the fast food place.

“Alright. Okay. We’ll figure it out. Hey, want me to bring home burgers? I’ll cut you in on my employee discount.”

“Sounds good. Thanks Murphy.” Clarke gave a shadow of a smile before returning to her computer, trying to think of anything she hadn’t already done to get more interest in her work.

~~~~~~

“Get some shoes on, we’re going to the food shelf.”

“We qualify? Excellent! I’m so desperate for some real food.”

“Hey, burgers are real food!”

“Not those burgers, Murphy, not those.”

Murphy scoffed, shoving his shoes on as they stepped out and started the walk to the food shelf. Clarke had found out about it a week ago and he’d gone to see if they qualified earlier that day.

“Imagine: Fruit.”

“Fair point, Clarke.”

~~~~~~

“It’s not my fault that there’s no work!”

“It doesn’t matter whose fault it is, the fact is we need money. You have to get another job.”

“I- Fuck it. I’ll look. No promises.” Clarke groaned and started browsing job listings, throwing her resume at anything she could reasonably get to. Not even an hour later her phone buzzed with an interview and by the end of the day she had a job.

“Alright. I got something. Another seasonal.”

“What is it?”

“You know the easter bunny at the mall, the one the kids get to take photos with?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m gonna be the bunny. Four weeks.”

“Clarke… That’s cute as shit.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, leaving Murphy’s room to try and find more clients for her art.

~~~~~~

“Murphy? What’s wrong?”

“I uh… I’m at the hospital.”

“...why are you at the hospital Murphy.”

“I may have gotten hit by a motorcycle on my way home from work.”

“Fuck. Is anything broken?”

“Don’t think so. I’m pretty banged up though, fucker ran straight over my leg.”

“Shit. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

Clarke hung up the phone and finished changing back into her street clothes, the bunny suit draped over a chair in the break room. She waved a quick goodbye to the photographer as she ran past.

The hospital was a few miles away but they couldn’t justify the cost of a ride, so she set off on foot, sighing deeply at the whole situation.

~~~~~~

“Murphy… I… We’re… Fuck, just read.”

Another eviction notice, this time with no leeway on repayment. The winter rules were no longer in effect. They had to be gone within a week.

“Shit that’s… Fuck.”

“Fuck.”

They looked at each other. They had no money to go anywhere. Point of fact, they owed a lot of money to a lot of people at this moment. Everything had been going to desperately trying to keep their heads above water, but they had drowned anyways.

“I’ll call around, see if I can find us a place to crash for a few days at least.”

Clarke nodded, already knowing what she was going to do. She wanted to scream, but that wouldn’t improve the situation at all. She waited until he left to his room before pulling out her phone.

“Hey Dad.”

“Clarke! Honey how are you?”

“Bad, Dad, really bad.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I… We’re getting evicted. I’ve got like a week to figure it out.”

“...Honey? Do you want to come home?”

“Yes.” Clarke let out a choked gasp and curled up in her blanket nest, tears pouring down her face. Anger, frustration, relief. Everything she’d been trying not to feel, everything she’d been actively ignoring for the last year, all came rushing out at once. Her dad just listened while she sobbed.

“Y’know Dad… I can’t say I didn’t see this coming.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke picks up the threads of the friendships she left behind.

“You sure you’re okay to stay at your mom’s?”

“Yeah. I think it’ll be good to be somewhere familiar. After everything…”

“Yeah. Alright then kiddo, I can drop you off but then I’ve got to run back to the office.”

“Thanks again for the ride, I know this whole thing has been such short notice.”

“It’s not a problem. All you ever had to do was ask.”

“Thanks Dad.” Clarke offers up a smile in gratitude as she throws her lone suitcase and backpack into the trunk of the car. Everything else was still in the storage unit she put it all in a year ago. For now all her worldly possessions amounted to a small pile of clothes and a few books.

They hopped in the car and pulled out of the airport, heading back to her childhood home where her mom was waiting to help her pick up the pieces of her life.

~~~~~~

“Clarke…? Honey? Why are you sleeping on the floor?”

“Oh, uhm… I kind of got used to it? We uh, we never moved any furniture into the apartment, it would’ve just got water damaged.” Clarke shrugged from her spot on the floor, all the blankets from her bed now making a quite comfortable pallet. Her mom looked dubious, but nodded anyways. 

They hadn’t quite been dancing around each other like they did before she’d left nearly ten years ago, but they weren’t at that warm place they had been fifteen years ago. Time, distance, life in general got in the way. Dulled the edges of what used to be a cutting relationship.

In a slightly desperate bid to try and fill the awkward silence of two people who no longer knew each other, Clarke blurted out, “Have you heard from Raven at all lately? I was thinking I should let her know I’m back in town.”

~~~~~~

“Holy shit, Clarke, what happened to your hair?”

“It grew. Hair does that, over time.”

“Yeah but it’s like past your boobs now. You’ve got a whole mane!”

Clarke sighed and rolled her eyes with a fond smile, “Redo! Hi Raven! How are you? I haven’t heard from you since you graduated college.”

“Yeah yeah, redo. Hey Clarke. I’m fantastic. Why the hell didn’t you tell me you were coming to town? How long are you here for? Where are you staying?”

“Woah okay uh, it was super last minute and exhausting and I needed to sleep for like two days straight after I got here. And I’m back, for good, living with Mom.”

“Wait you’re back? Like back-back?”

“Yeah, I mean most of my shit is still in a storage unit a couple states away but I’m here and I’m not planning on running off any time soon.”

“Mmmmyeah but that’s what you said last time and then I didn’t see you for seven years.”

“Not making that mistake again.”

“I’ll take your word for it, I guess.”

“Glad to see you have so much faith in me. So, really, what have you been up to since you graduated?”

Raven grinned as she held open the door to the cafe, “Well…”

~~~~~~

“Hey, I’ve got tomorrow off, want to grab something for dinner together? We can watch one of those Netflix shows you like?”

“Uh, sure Mom. Burgers and beer?”

“Sounds great.”

~~~~~~

The single most frustrating thing at the moment was something that, a month ago, she would’ve killed to have. Unlimited, no strings attached, free time.

With her mother insisting on supporting her while she got her feet back under her, and a total lack of ability to do the work she HAD been doing for the last few months, Clarke was left with nothing constructive to do with her time. 

After the first week of sleeping the stress of the last year off, followed by another week of tidying and then deep cleaning everything in the house, and then a third week of meandering around the internet on her phone… Well Clarke was going insane.

It wasn’t like there was nothing to do, it was just a matter of reaching out. It was more that any going out would cost something, and any money she had was courtesy of her mother, and she may be back in her childhood bedroom and reliant on her mother for room and board, but the last tatters of her pride wouldn’t allow her to ask for an ALLOWANCE to go out with friends.

She was closer to thirty than twenty and goddamnit she was not going to ask her mom for cash for anything frivolous. 

So that left her with nothing but time, and limited options for how to use it given the (shocking, when you actually stop to think about it) lack of free entertainment options available within walking distance.

Nearly a month of being back home and Clarke decided that she’d spent far too much time cooped up inside, specifically hiding out in her room, her hangouts with Raven only happening twice so far. 

With a newfound determination to at least feel the sun on her face for a few hours, Clarke packed up a shoulder bag, slipped on her sneakers, and headed for the park she used to play at as a kid. The playground area was up front but there was a huge grassy field further back and if you closed your eyes you could easily forget the area was urban.

Goal set, she made quick progress and found an area shaded by a young tree. Flopping down into the grass, she pulled out her book, and set to read the day away out in the sun with the scent of grass and trees surrounding her.

~~~~~~

“Hey Murphy, how are you holding up?”

“Still shit. The place I was crashing at, I couldn’t pick up the sublease, so I’m back to couch surfing.”

“How’s your leg doing? You doing the PT you’re supposed to?”

“Yeah yeah, I know you’d fly back out here and punch me in the nose if I wasn’t.”

“You bet your ass I would.”

“Glad to know you care.”

~~~~~~

“Holy shit, WELLS?” Before he could even start to reply, Clarke was launching herself out the front door and into his arms. Practically climbing the man in her enthusiasm to physically reconnect with her best friend of days gone by.

“Fuck, I didn’t realize I missed you this much.”

“You were always pretty good at avoiding the obvious, Clarke.”

A swift, but weak, punch to the shoulder was all the rebuttal she could offer while her throat tightened with tears she refused to shed.

“Mom give you a call?”

“Raven, actually. I figured we could go on one of our walks.”

“Seems a little early. I remember most of those walks happening closer to midnight than noon.”

“Yeah, well I actually respect my bedtime these days.”

Clarke chuckled in agreement as they stepped off the porch and began to stroll through the neighborhood.

~~~~~~

It wasn’t that she hadn’t been close to people in the last year. She and Murphy had been close enough to offer back rubs when the stress of everything got too much. Her mom would hug her when they crossed paths every other day or so. Raven offered up noogies mostly, but the occasional arm around the shoulder was welcome.

So it wasn’t that she hadn’t been close, in general, to people in the last year. It’s that she hadn’t been intimate with anyone. The difference between affectionate touches meant to remind either party that they existed within proximity, and touches meant to remind a body what it could feel, well it was stark.

Especially when her last relationship had ended over a year ago, and intimacy had been foreign to it for years before that. Clarke was, frankly, touch starved, and in dire need of a physical connection to someone other than her vibrator. 

So Clarke pulled out her phone and shot a message to someone she knew, and trusted to respect her and still have a good time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys. I want to make this very clear to y'all. I don't plan anything I write. I only have the vaguest notions of what's going to happen. The story does what it wants. I'm going to apologize in advance for that. Just, bear with me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love bites.

“What the FUCK happened to your neck?”

Clarke stopped halfway through running her hands through her hair, quickly pulling it back over her shoulders and effectively hiding her neck, and the numerous deep purple marks, from prying eyes.

“Mauled by a werewolf,” she offered Raven nonchalantly.

“Some werewolf, care to share their number?”

“Nope, can’t go spilling a big secret like that just because you asked nice.”

“Fine. At least you’re getting some. You ARE getting some, right? You didn’t just let someone go all high school on your neck and not even put out for you?”

“Yes, Rae, I ‘got some’. Had a great time.”

“Planning to date or just do the do?”

“No dating this one, just a friend.”

“Who’s a werewolf.”

“Who’s a werewolf.”

Raven quirked an eyebrow, waiting for an elaboration on who the hell was mauling her friend, but when none was forthcoming she just sighed and turned back to the cafe counter to get their coffees.

~~~~~~

“Bell!”

“Princess, you made it!”

“Of course I made it, you offered to cover my tab. The only thing better than beer is free beer.”

Bellamy laughs, pulling Clarke into a deep hug that both of them cling to a little longer than they expected.

“I hear you’re back for good.”

“Yep, no place like home and all that.”

“I’m glad. Things weren’t the same without you around.”

“How’s everyone?”

They grab a couple of beers from the bartender and settle at a high top table, filling the quiet afternoon bar ambiance with chatter as they fill each other in on the last eight years since they saw the other.

“So how is it living with your mom again?”

“Different. She’s different. Better. I think we both grew up while I was gone.”

~~~~~~

Clarke stumbles into her bedroom, barely removing her pants before she faceplants into her bedding. She’s not a total mess, but she definitely should’ve cut herself off two or three beers ago because they’re just now starting to hit her properly. She doesn’t get drunk anymore. Not intentionally.

She used to, a lot. Too much. And worse, she liked it. Everything felt less when she wasn’t sober. It was too good.

A few tears slide down her face as she finds herself pulled into memories. The night when she forcibly realized it was a problem. The night her relationship almost ended, or at least ended early. The first undeniable red flag that things weren’t as good as she’d made herself believe. The beginning of the end, looking back on it.

She wrestles her phone free from her discarded pants and pulls up the number for the one person who can get her through this.

“Murphy?”

~~~~~~

She has hardly had a drink in the last four years, so the hangover the next day makes her feel far more like death than it would’ve in her prime. She doesn’t leave her room for two days. The first for the physical symptoms, the second for the emotional.

The decision is made, that road’s blocked off. She’s not doing it again. It doesn’t feel good any more. It feels like failure now.

Clarke is sick and tired of failing.

~~~~~~

“Haven’t seen your werewolf in a bit, huh?” Raven eyes the almost faded marks on her neck.

“Maybe I’m just being more discreet.”

“Clarke, you are the least discreet person I’ve ever met.”

Clarke huffs, rolls her eyes, sips her coffee, avoids agreeing with the very accurate statement.

“Werewolf not doin’ it for you now? Looking for something a little less feral?”

“As if. Scheduling conflicts. Booty calls are way more difficult when everyone involved wants to be all adult and keep their sleep time for sleeping.”

“No plans on staying the night?”

“Nah, I really really don’t want my mom asking questions. I don’t care that I’m almost thirty, that shit’s just awkward.”

Raven chuckles and nods. “How did you manage to dodge her seeing your love bites?”

“With great care, and never putting my hair up.”

~~~~~~

The sun is hot, the breeze is warm, and the grass is cool and inviting. The book she’d been trying to read is discarded by her side, whatever story inside forgotten for the simple pleasure of a cat nap in the sunshine.

Her thoughts wander, meandering through her childhood and the friends she still hasn’t seen in the two months since she came home. Some of them moved, not as far as she did, but far enough. Some just aren’t friends enough to contact anymore.

The loss of those connections isn’t aching or sore, just a wistful ‘what could have been’. She’s more than happy with the friendships that stood the test of time, distance, and silence. The people who always kept a place in their lives for her.

Still, there’s something almost stifling about only having friends because they used to be friends. She wants to meet someone new. Have someone in her life without twenty years of history and baggage and the, albeit muted, trauma of abandoning them for years.

How do you even meet new people when you’re not in school? That’s where every friendship she’s ever had started from. The forced proximity five days a week leads naturally to forming bonds, after all. So how do you make new friends when all you do is drift through the world?

~~~~~~

“Werewolf strikes again, I see.”

“Shit, where?”

“Just under your chin, don’t worry, it’s small. Looks like a shadow, if you’re not looking for it. Which I am.”

“Fuck.”

“Clearly.”

“I’m gonna have a serious talk with my werewolf about this.”

“I’m sure it will solve everything. Maybe you should try to get some from someone who understands that necks are highly visible?”

“Rae, I don’t freaking know anyone else. And I’m so not interested in one night stands. I prefer someone I know I can trust.”

“Fair. Wait, how do you not know anyone else? Like, you already knew your werewolf? It’s one of our friends?”

“I’m not telling you who.”

“Process of elimination then. Can’t be me, I’d remember,” Raven winks, Clarke rolls her eyes, “it’s not Bellamy cause he’s still all bumbling around Echo and he’s not a player anymore-”

“Echo?”

“Met her in college, they’ve been dancing around their feelings for years now. Off topic! So not me, not Bell, is it Murphy?”

“Murphy isn’t in this state, Rae.”

“Well you did mention scheduling conflicts. Oh god, it’s not Niylah is it?”

“Oh fuck that noise, hell no. You remember how she got, right? She wanted all of the strings. I just wanted platonic sex.”

“Y’know you’re the only person I know that looks for sex-friends. Oh, except Lexa, she’s same boat af. Ooh, is it Lexa?”

“Who’s Lexa?”

~~~~~~

“You’ve really got to be more careful about where you leave marks.”

“Oh shit. I didn’t even realize.”

“I know, you’re good enough not to do it on purpose. But seriously, I need to be able to hide them. I really, really, really don’t want my mom asking questions neither of us wants to answer.”

“Yeah, that’s fair. God can you imagine?”

“I’d get the full inquisition, and she’d demand to meet whoever was damaging her daughter. Now that would be awkward as all hell.”

“Right? I’d never be allowed at your place again.”

“No more midnight walks.”

“Noon walks, sleep is sacred Clarke.”

Clarke chuckles, shoulder bumping Wells as they continue their ramble through streets so familiar she could walk them blindfolded.

“Oh god, she’d ask if this was new. How the hell would I answer that?”

“Fuck. Got it. Be discreet.”

~~~~~~

“Hey Bell? Who’s Lexa?”

“Uh, she was my boss for a while before I got that job at the warehouse. Why?”

“Raven mentioned her last week, seems like she integrated into the group and no one thought to introduce us yet.”

“Well we haven’t really had a full get together since you got back. Maybe I should throw a barbecue. Get everyone in one place again.”

“It’ll be nice to see everyone I haven’t caught up with yet. Monty still in the area?”

“Yeah, him and Harper have a house, and a kid!”

“Jesus, how old?”

“Four, cute as shit little boy.”

“Yeah you need to do that barbecue, I need to catch up with everyone way more than I thought I did.”

“It’s a plan then. Next Saturday sound good for you?”

“Bell, my schedule is literally nothing but free time. Ask everyone else what works, I’ll make it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry not sorry. They'll meet in the next chapter. And don't @ me about Wells, plz. He's not a romantic rival in any capacity.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Old faces, new faces.

The yard wasn’t quite full of people, but there were more there than Clarke had anticipated. She’d arrived hours earlier to help Bellamy prep food and pull out the spare chairs from the basement. Somehow she’d avoided being noticed right away, and it wasn’t until a handful of people from outside her direct contact had arrived that she began to mingle properly.

Monty and Harper had appeared, their little boy Jordan trailing after them like a puppy. She stopped to converse, saw wedding photos and baby photos and congratulate them on the life they were building together.

Monroe showed up just as the conversation was petering out, so she turned her attention to the other woman, listening as she spoke about her police career and how she hoped to use her vacation time to go to the mountains for a week.

Atom joined the talk, speaking little but dropping that he’d left college before he finished, citing a need to travel that became a profession as a blogger and photographer.

Clarke was totally immersed in the little bubble of catching up when she was all but tackled from behind, a firm grip around her shoulders the only thing keeping her upright.

“Clarke! It’s so good to see you!”

“Octavia!” Clarke spun around in her grip, moving to hug her fiercely as she could without spilling her soda.

“I just got back from Greece, I’ll have to show you the pics as soon as you’re free from the catch-up squad.”

“Sounds like a plan. Who else is here?”

“Jasper’s over playing with Monty’s kid, did you know he’s the godfather? Who on earth would make JASPER responsible for a child?”

“Monty, apparently.”

“Apparently. Anyways, he’s here, so is his girlfriend. She’s cute, quiet. Uhm, Miller’s not gonna be by today but he promised next time. Roma’s on her way, she got recruited to grab some more grub. I think Bellamy forgot how much these people eat. Oh, and Lexa’s here, a little bird told me you were interested in meeting her.”

“Of course I am, she’s the only one I don’t already know. Aside from Jordan, but he doesn’t count, they made him.”

Octavia let out a laugh, slinging an arm around Clarke’s shoulders and guiding her over to a small cluster of people. “She’s chill, but super serious. You guys are either gonna love each other or set each other on fire.”

“Fire is Raven’s thing. I think we’ll be okay.”

“We’ll see. Hey, Lexa! This is Clarke!” Octavia pushed Clarke gently towards the woman standing just outside the group that was chatting, then ran off to the grill to reload on burgers.

“Ah, I’ve heard about you. Been away a while huh?”

“Yup. You’re pretty much the only person here I actually get to be introduced to.”

“Unless you count Jordan.”

“Does it count if he’s probably not going to remember?”

“Touche. Well, glad to finally have a face to put to the name. I’ve heard a lot of things over the last couple years. Seems like you popped up in every single less-than-legal story anyone here tells.”

“Oh boy, yeah that sounds about right. I have to say, I’ve barely heard a thing about you. Bellamy says you used to be his boss?”

“Yeah, he worked under me briefly as an intern. The work didn’t agree with him, though. No hard feelings when he left, in fact he insisted on inviting me to every party he threw for the next year.”

“See, that’s how he gets you. He just keeps inviting you until he wears you down, you show up, and bam. You’re in the group. There’s no escape. I would know!”

“So I’ve heard, something like ten years and it looks like you haven’t missed a day.”

“The banter is the same, but there’s a lot of life I missed. I’ll admit, it’s kind of nice to be able to just get the Cliff’s Notes version of things today.”

“No kidding. I’ll bet you’ve got a lot of stories to tell about your time away too, hm?”

“Oh you have no idea. Last year was utterly wild, in the worst way possible. But I’m not about to drag that out at a party. There’s not enough hard alcohol for those forced to listen.”

“Maybe we can meet up sometime and you can tell me about it. I’m sure it’d be nice to talk to someone with few preconceptions of your situation.”

“Sounds like that could be fun.”

~~~~~~

“Okay wait. You’re saying that the kitchen and your bedroom were already soaked from the rain when the pipes burst?”

“Yep. And the only reason they even came out to deal with the pipes that week is cause we had to shut off the water. The apartment above us had kids and they needed the water on more than we did.”

“There were KIDS living there?”

“Yep. I mean their unit was actually in decent shape, the basement only leaked because the foundation was cracked. So they didn’t have to deal with the water damage. They did have a problem when the furnace blew.”

“Wait wait… Okay. Midwest, winter, floor’s covered in water all the time, and then the furnace goes out?”

“And stayed that way for two months.”

“...is that not illegal!?”

“Apparently not.”

Lexa leaned back against the booth seat with wide eyes, grabbing her beer and taking a long drink before shaking her head slowly. “Tell me that’s the worst of it.”

“I could, but I’ve decided not to lie to you.”

“The hell happened?”

“Toilet broke. The tank shattered. We had to bucket flush for three months.”

“Okay first off that’s disgusting. Not, like, on you, but the fact that it took so long for them to do anything about it. Seriously how was none of this illegal? But how did it get broken?”

“Ah, uhm. There was a bit of an incident…”

\------

_Memories of that night were disjointed, flashes and concepts more than a whole picture. Like a film reel with poor notations for the missing portions._

_It had started with a beer, she’d gotten a massive commission and wanted to celebrate as well as she could, drinking at home alone in her blanket nest while watching some gamer live stream._

_So it had started with a beer, and her good mood bubbled up and requested another. After the fourth, things were getting fuzzy. After the sixth she was pulling the vodka from the freezer, and her good mood had boiled over, leaving a sour residue in its wake._

_Her body wasn’t her own anymore, head checked out entirely for the duration of this drunken state. Emotions reigned free and left her feeling shattered on the bathroom floor as water poured from the broken tank._

_In the morning Murphy asked how much she remembered. He told her she’d cried, and begged, and she knew what he wasn’t saying. She thanked him for cleaning up her mess, promised to make dinner that night to make it up to him._

\------

“...basically I got drunk and smashed my shoulder into it. Must’ve been a cheap piece of crap to break from that.”

“You’re a klutzy drunk, then?”

“You’ll never find out.”

~~~~~~

“No new werewolf bites? Catch a new play partner Clarkey?”

“Nah, scheduling conflicts.”

“Your’s or wolfie’s? Because I know for a fact you’ve been spending more time with Lexa than you have any of the rest of us.”

“That’s not saying much, Rae. I barely see anyone at all.”

“It says everything, Clarke.”

Raven regarded Clarke seriously for a few moments, trying to get a gauge on how she was doing behind all her bravado and flippancy. They may not be as close as they once were, but Raven was by far the one that spent the most time with her since she came back.

At least, she had been. 

Clarke and Lexa seemed to almost gravitate towards each other, every time one was invited to an outing of any kind the other would appear and they would inevitably end the evening solely in each other’s company. More than once Raven had offered to give Clarke a lift back home at the end of the night only to be waved away with an ‘I’ve got her, don’t worry’ from Lexa.

“You’re reading too much into things. We get along well and there’s no baggage there. Well, like, not the kind that comes from twenty years of friendship. You know what I mean. New baggage.”

“Alright. I’ll take your word for it. So, if wolfie isn’t givin’ you the goods how are you handling that whole touch-intimacy thing?”

“Ah, I’m not? I’m pretty okay with stuff right now. Plenty of innocent and platonic attention being thrown my way since you guys started dragging me out again.”

“It doesn’t count as dragging if all anyone has to say is ‘Lexa’ and you immediately put your shoes on.”

Clarke scowled, searching for some kind of retort that wouldn’t be a blatant lie. Realizing she was taking too long to come up with one she just shrugged and drank her coffee. “Not my fault she’s more interesting than everyone else.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's our Lexa. Never fear. Also the start of the flashbacks to Hell Year. There's important shit I intend to delve into, the first chapter was really skimming the surface of what happened.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Look we're basically just talking about Clarke's sex life here.

“Jesus, Clarke. What happened to your neck?”

“Fuck, again?”

Clarke hurriedly drops her hair from where she’d gathered it off her neck, a brief attempt to get a breeze going and cool down from the hot sun. She turned and gave Lexa a half smile as she joined her on the park bench.

“Again? This is a regular occurrence?”

“Oh no, very irregular. Just frequent.”

“Dare I ask again what the hell was going on?”

“Dare you?”

“Alright, play coy.”

“Werewolf.” Clarke shrugs with a smug smile at the eyeroll Lexa offers. She finds herself glad that they’d had the chance to meet up without the rest of the group, as often as they’d seen each other in the last few months it was almost never one on one.

“So you find yourself regularly in the company of a werewolf who mauls your neck.”

“Again, not regular. Frequent.”

“The difference…?”

“Regular implies a schedule. It’s more of a… when the opportunity strikes.”

“I see. And this last opportunity must have been fairly recent.”

“Fairly.”

Lexa pauses for a moment, seemingly lost in thought before she shakes her head with a grin. “This has to be the most obtuse way I’ve ever heard someone discuss their sex life.”

Clarke leans back with a chuckle, stretching her arms on the back of the bench. “Set an example for me then, be less obtuse about yours.”

“Oh that’s easy. It doesn’t exist.”

Clarke clutches her hand to her chest and gasps dramatically, “No! A crime! Truly, a crime against the universe.”

Lexa slaps her shoulder, rolling her eyes again. “Don’t be absurd.”

“I will be as absurd as I please. And it particularly pleases me to be absurd about you. However, there is nothing absurd about the crime of someone like yourself not having intimate company.”

“You’ve gotten less obtuse. And you can just say ‘it sucks you’re not getting laid’.”

“Ah, but that would be a lie. I said I wasn’t gonna lie to you Lexa. It’s a crime. Against the universe.”

Lexa finally turns to face Clarke, arching an eyebrow. “Enlighten me, how exactly is it a crime against the UNIVERSE that I don’t have a sex life?”

Clarke mirrors her position, matching her eyebrow raise and locking eyes. “Because you’re fucking gorgeous and the artist in me can’t help but imagine you even more beautiful in the throes of passion. The universe deserves that beauty.”

Lexa blinks, a blush slowly rising to tint her cheeks. She truly hadn’t expected Clarke to call her bluff like that. She finally looks away and with a slightly strangled cough she asks, “The uh, the artist in you has imagined me ‘in the throes of passion’?”

“Yup.”

“...and the rest of you?”

“Oh, hell yeah.”

Lexa snorts at that, slumping slightly against the bench while Clarke grins.

“Do you often imagine your friends intimately?”

“Sometimes, sometimes I don’t have to imagine.” 

Lexa turns to look at her again with a slightly incredulous expression, eyebrows high. “Part of me really wants to ask exactly who you can ONLY imagine, the rest of me would rather not know which of our friends you’ve banged.”

“Why’s that?”

“Most of our friends are men. I’d rather not picture you with them. I’m too gay for that.”

“Hmm. Who would you like to picture me with?”

Lexa balks at that, glancing to the side before swallowing thickly, “Me?”

~~~~~~

“Sorry, I can’t meet up for totally-just-a-walk’s for the time being.”

“Got someone new to blame for your hickies?”

“Okay, first of all… it’s your fault that keeps happening. I didn’t even know that was a weak point until I got back. Second of all, yes. Maybe they’ll be more discreet.”

“Clarke, do you know how hard it is to be discreet when all you want is someone gnawing on your neck?”

Clarke huffed, crossing her arms and glowering at Wells. “Maybe if it was JUST gnawing they wouldn’t stick around for a week. I counted. Seven days. Every time.”

Wells shrugged. “You asked me to.”

“I knowww… Anyways, not the point. I’ll let you know if it goes well but for now we’re not doing it.”

“I know. One partner at a time, that’s like your only rule. Well that, and no spanking.”

“Wells, just because I won’t spank YOU doesn’t mean I don’t like it at all.”

“Damn.”

~~~~~~

“You know, you were plenty forward with me. How is it you don’t have a sex life?”

“I’m very picky, I’d rather know someone fairly well before anything like that happens. And most people don’t want intimacy without dating. I don’t want to date.”

“Preaching to the choir. I just spent ten years with someone, I’m feeling the single life.”

“Damn, no one ever mentioned it was that long. You must’ve still been in highschool when you started dating, huh?”

“Yep, senior year. I followed him to his preferred college and then just kind of… never left.” Clarke shrugged, pushing her hair back out of her face to give her hands something to do. “How sad is it that we were together so long just because I never left?”

“Not sad, not really. I mean, did you love him?”

“Yeah, but I know I haven’t been IN love with him for… a very long time. I mean, I’m always going to care about him, he wasn’t an ass, we just stopped working.”

“I’d almost rather take that over my last relationship. That ended rather… explosively.”

“Usually someone says that and they mean Raven was involved. Please tell me Raven was not involved.”

“Oh god no.” Lexa chuckled, shaking her head. “No, my ex just had a flair for the dramatic and instead of talking to me like a reasonable person she trashed our apartment, took all her shit, and left.”

“Well. To the single life?” Clarke raised her beer in an offer for a toast.

Lexa raised her’s to meet it. “The single life, as longs as it lasts.”

~~~~~~

“Clarke, I swear to god I’m going to stage an intervention or something. Maybe go on a wolf hunt. Do you have any silver bullets I can use?”

“Hi Raven. Do you have to inspect my neck every time you see me now?”

“Clearly, there’s valuable information here. For one thing… those are definitely not hickies. Wolfie finally learn that suction makes it worse?”

“Wolfie is not on the roster at the minute.”

“Good lord you got another one to start using you like a chew toy!?”

“Don’t kinkshame me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly don't know how this happened? Guys really, I don't plan this story. I didn't sit down going 'this is going to be an entire chapter of Clarke talking about who and how she fucks' but here we have it. it happened anyways.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit gets heavy. Emotional aspects of the Toilet Incident are revealed. Raven is a good friend.

“You know the strangest thing I miss about highschool parties?”

Lexa looked up at Clarke, setting aside her phone where she’d been replying to a work email while they sat waiting for their coffees. “No clue.”

“Drunken cuddle piles. You know, where everyone is just about gone and someone gets clingy and before you know it there’s five or six people piled onto a sofa snoring away.”

“There is something delightfully innocent in a drunken cuddle pile, isn’t there?”

“Right? It’s a safe feeling. Unless Raven isn’t in the pile, then you have to worry about markers on your face and shaving cream in your hand.”

“Did she at least respect the shoes-off rule?”

“Oh yeah. She learned her lesson the one time she disregarded it. Octavia had the greatest revenge.”

“No only did she break the greatest rule of post-partying, but her target was OCTAVIA? I thought Raven was smarter than that.”

“So did she. Tried to blame it on Jasper but everyone knew Jasper was too chicken to try and prank on O, like ever. O was super sneaky about it, too. Acted like she believed it was Jasper, had him pretend she’d gotten revenge and everything. Then the next party happened, Raven was one of the first to pass out. O got a couple of the guys to help drag her to the front lawn, covered her in maple syrup, and then dumped a bag of feathers on her.”

Lexa choked on air, struggling not to burst out laughing in the quiet cafe. “Did she know it was Octavia’s work?”

“God yes. O took photos. Printed out flyers and put them up at school and everything. Used it as a warning to anyone who would be so dumb as to ignore the cardinal law of party sleeping. Raven was called Little Bird by everyone for the rest of the year.”

~~~~~~

“C’mon Clarkey, let’s do some shots!”

“Rae, I’m not doing shots. I’m enjoying my beer.”

“Just one round, pleeeaaase?”

“No, Raven.”

Raven huffed and grabbed Harper, who’d managed to join them for a girl’s night at the bar, to get a round of shots for the rest of the table.

Lexa slid into the booth next to Clarke, straightening out her hair from her dancing. “What’s got Raven’s panties in a twist?”

“She wants me to do shots. I used to match her drink for drink in highschool.”

“Not living that life anymore?”

“Yeah, and it feels like Raven doesn’t really get it. Or respect it much.”

“Maybe you should explain to her why the change. She’s still working from an old template of your behaviour.”

“Hmm…” Clarke sipped at her beer, picking idly at the label. “I haven’t really filled anyone in on the… really personal negatives of while I was gone. Just a lot of the situations I found myself in. I mean, Hell Year was 90% Shit Happening To Me. Not a lot of, like, personal development stuff.”

“From what you’ve told me, yeah. Didn’t sound like you had a lot of time to have personal development. Sounds like it was mostly just survival.”

~~~~~~

Clarke settled underneath the tree she thought of as her’s, at the park by her house. Raven was crossing the grass to her and she was nervous for the conversation to come. She hadn’t told anyone, anyone at all, about all the crap she’d been dealing with. Murphy knew, but only because he was there for most of it, and he was a good friend but more interested in making it to the next day alive than helping others be happy.

“So, you sounded pretty serious about wanting to meet up.”

“I was. I am. It’s… there’s… There’s a lot of shit I haven’t really talked with anyone about. A lof of shit I’m not proud of. Actually I kind of hate myself for it. But I want to tell you, I want you to know.”

Raven settled down next to her, close enough to lean their shoulders together while they stared off at the little wooded area that surrounded the park. “This have anything to do with you turning down drinks at the bar last weekend?”

“Yeah. And some other shit. But that was, well Lexa’s actually what made me realize I wasn’t doing any of us any favors not talking about it. I figure, you’re always there for me. If I can tell you, I can maybe actually deal?”

“You know I’m here for it, no matter what.”

“Yeah. So… So it started uhm… the first Christmas I didn’t come home. I spent it with Finn’s family, and you know they never really liked me much. Told me I was wasting my potential. It wasn’t enough that I was a totally self-made artist with, like, a really dedicated following. They just saw it as me being, like, home all the time and not playing housewife.”

Raven scoffed, “Like Finn’s mom ever knew anything about being a housewife. I’ve seen her kitchen. It’s all fast food.”

“I know, right? Anyways… So yeah, after that, I started feeling… less. Like, like I wasn’t doing enough, or good enough at it, and I just… I didn’t want to feel that, and I didn’t really know how to handle not wanting to feel it, I just knew that when I was drinking I wasn’t thinking about it. So that’s how it started.”

Raven reached an arm around Clarke’s shoulders, squeezing slightly. “You know they were wrong, yeah?”

“Yeah, but at the time, it didn’t feel that way. So uhm, so it started I’d just drink in the evenings to relax and unwind, and then I’d drink while I was working so I wasn’t thinking about everything else while I was doing that. I mean, it worked, I was really productive, but I’d go from buzzed working to almost blackout by the time I went to sleep.”

Clarke heaved a shuddering breath, her throat starting to constrict as the feelings from that time crept back into her.

“Then I’d start waking up hungover, and, well, what’s the quickest way to not feel hungover?”

“Another drink.”

“Another drink.” She licked her lips, mouth gone dry. “Before I knew it I was drunk more than I was sober. I… I don’t think Finn realized? I mean, he was always the one going out and buying the alcohol but somehow I don’t think he noticed that I was just… gone, like all the time. Somehow it stayed that way for like… two, three years?”

“What changed?”

“Murphy moved in. We cleared out the second bedroom to get someone to help with rent and Murphy was getting kicked out of his place. It was perfect timing really. So he moved in and he saw it right away. Didn’t say anything though, you know how he is.”

“Really doesn’t like sticking his nose in. How’d he actually get involved, then?”

“It was,” Clarke coughed, tears prickling at the corners of her eyes, “It was a really bad day. I don’t know what really happened, maybe everything just kind of snuck up on me, but at the start of the day there was a fifth of rum in the cupboard and by midnight it was empty. I remember, uhm, a lot of yelling, screaming really, from me. Ugly tears. Apparently I threw some things, I don’t remember most of the night. I woke up, Finn had gone to stay with his parents for the rest of the week. Murphy… He told me off. Like really told me off. Told me I was avoiding dealing with whatever was bugging me to the point I was making everyone else’s life suck.”

“Harsh.”

“Accurate.”

Raven squeezed her shoulders again. “Brutally honest.”

“Yeah. I got a call from Finn later that day saying that if I didn’t figure my shit out he wasn’t coming back. I poured out the rest of the booze, Murphy helped me clean up my mess. Finn came back, told me to get into therapy. I did. It helped some, but… The only reason I really stopped was because I didn’t want to lose Finn.”

Raven was silent for a moment, then softly, “So what happened when you lost him anyways?”

Clarke wiped a couple of tears from her cheeks. “Nothing at first, I was too busy trying to get moved. I thought we were both going to live with his family and then he got that job in another city and basically told me I wasn’t going with.”

“Dick move.”

“No kidding. But yeah, once everything settled a bit, and I got some real work in… You remember me telling you about the night that I managed to break the toilet?”

“Yeah, slipped and almost dislocated your shoulder tackling it?”

“Yeah. Yeah that wasn’t the worst thing that happened. I uhm… At some point Murphy woke up and tried to help me deal with things, and he wasn’t even being an ass about it, he was just helping me clean up my mess like he always did.”

Clarke stopped to take another deep, shaky breath. 

“I asked him… I begged him to just kill me and get me out of everyone’s life. Clearly I was nothing but a burden to everyone. I just wanted to not… be that, anymore.”

Raven stopped breathing for a second, freezing up completely, before turning to pull Clarke into an almost too-tight hug. “Don’t you dare think that ever again,” she whispered fiercely.

Clarke returned the hug, letting the tears pool up from her eyes and fall onto her friend’s shoulder. “I’m trying.”

They held their silent embrace for several minutes before Clarke started to relax. Raven pulled away slowly, giving her one more solid squeeze before speaking. “So no more shots, got it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That took a 180, huh? I start it off all cute with a highschool story and then pull out the alcoholism-and-severe-depression at the end.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halloween, candy, cuddles, and a werewolf attack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And you guys accidentally get two chapters today cuz when I went to post the last one, this one decided it wanted to happen. Got it sorted, but yeah, double chapter thanksgiving!

“So how did Personal Development With Raven Reyes go?”

“Better than expected. Thank you for suggesting that,” Clarke pulled Lexa in for a tight hug, “I really wouldn’t have done it if you hadn’t said anything.”

“I think you would’ve eventually. She’s still your best friend, after all.”

“Okay, yeah, I would’ve. But it would’ve been after everything already exploded in my face, and there would’ve been a lot of yelling and way more tears.”

“Well then I’m glad you managed to handle it like a mature adult.”

Clarke scoffed, “I almost prefer waiting for things to boil over. That was painful.”

“Sure, but do you feel better for it?”

“...yeah. I do.”

“I’m glad. So what’s the plan for today?”

“I was thinking we’d go grab a bite and then head to your’s?”

“Sure. Though I have to ask, why do I always have to host? I know you live with your mom but she’s out most of the time.”

“Oh, uh…” Clarke averted her gaze while they walked to the cafe. “I don’t have a bed.”

“Y-... Huh?”

“I don’t have a bed. I mean I had one when I moved back, but I got rid of it. I got used to sleeping on the floor during Hell Year. Beds are just too… squishy.”

Lexa blinked silently for a few minutes as they continued their walk. “So… I mean. Beds aren’t a requirement…”

“Mmm but they’re way better for _activities_ than the floor. Just imagine the state of your knees without that extra padding.”

“Fair point. I guess this means I’ll never see your place?”

“I don’t really see a reason for you to, honestly. Unless you want to come by and hang out sometime. I won’t turn that down. I just don’t think you’d enjoy the rug burn.”

“I dunno, floor sex sounds like a pretty tame thing to knock off my Never Have I Ever list.”

“That would be a good one.”

“So, lunch, then your place?”

“Alright, you’ve won me over.”

~~~~~~

“What’re you doing for Halloween?”

Raven plopped down in the seat across from Clarke, her coffee almost spilling over the lip of her cup.

“Hi Raven. No plans, why?”

“Bellamy’s thinking about hosting a party. He’s saying ‘spooky theme, but no costumes’. I think he just doesn’t want me showing up in my mech suit again.”

“Raven, the missile launcher was fully functional.”

“I know! It was great!”

“It was, until you shot him in the eye.”

Raven shrugged, not bothering to argue the point. “Still, spooky party at Blake’s the saturday before Halloween. You in?”

“Yeah, nothing better to do. Movie marathon?”

“I think he was saying something about playing the Scream series back to back.”

“I’ll bring candy. And tums.”

~~~~~~

Lexa groaned as Clarke threw herself onto the couch beside her. “Be gentle. I had way too much sugar.”

“Good to know that Crunch bars are what break your iron clad self control.”

“They’re just so crispy.”

Clarke chuckled, curling up deeper into the cushions while most of the rest settled in to start the movies. She figured some of them would cycle around to the screen through the rest of the night, but she planned to camp on the couch until she fell asleep.

“So how many you think we’ll make it through before the party’s over?”

“Hopefully all of them. I don’t even know how many there are anymore.”

“Me neither, I think the last one I saw was three?”

Lexa shrugged, glancing at the bowl of candy on the coffee table, before slowly reaching out to grab another candy bar.

“If you puke I’m not holding your hair.”

She slowly retracted her hand, abandoning the candy. “Fine. I see how it is. I give you great advice and hang out with you and,” she glanced around to make sure no one else was within earshot, “give you what you yourself have described as the best orgasms of the decade… but you won’t help me indulge my sweet tooth. I see.”

Clarke huffed, rolling her eyes and fighting a blush. “Fine. I’ll baby you all through the horrible stomach ache you’re clearly so hard up for.”

“That’s all I ask.” She reached forward again, this time grabbing the whole bowl and dropping it in Clarke’s lap.

“Just make sure you brush your teeth before you try to kiss me.”

~~~~~~

“Jesus Christ on a bicycle! Your new werewolf really let loose, huh?”

Clarke settled in her seat with a smug smirk. “You have no idea.”

“Oh, I’ve got a really good idea. How the hell are you hiding that from Mama G?”

“She’s away for the week, I’m babying my neck with ice and hot compresses. Should be fine by the time she’s back. Either way, totally worth it.”

“I really really need to meet whoever it is that can go so absolutely feral. It’s conceptually a turn on. I know it’s one of our friends, you never hang out with anyone we don’t already know. I have to find out who is secretly that…” Raven flailed her arm vaguely at Clarke’s neck, the bruises and bite marks barely hidden beneath her mostly-for-fashion scarf, “fucking savage.”

“A lady never tells.”

Raven snorts, “As if you’re a lady.”

Clarke kicked her ankle, “Behave and I might help you find your own werewolf.”

“No thank you, I like my flesh intact.”

“Raven, I’ve seen claw marks down your back. Often.”

“Totally different,” she waved it away. “I will figure it out someday. Until then! Still no interest in dating? Happy with your current friends-and-friends-with-benefits stance on relationships?”

“No interest in anything else. All my needs are being filled. Some with more enthusiasm than others, to be fair.”

“No kidding.”

~~~~~~

“Hey Clarke, you interested in seeing that new Marvel movie?”

“Hm, yeah? Why?”

“My cousin bought us tickets and then came down with food poisoning. I hate going to the movies alone. You wanna come with?”

“Sure, I’m always down for a free movie. Want me to sneak in some leftover Halloween candy?”

“You still have some?”

“Yeah, some of us can restrain ourselves in the face of Hershey’s.”

Lexa humphed, rolling her eyes. “I didn’t even eat all of it.”

“Just most of it. Like you had 50% by yourself. I still don’t know how you didn’t puke.”

“There were better things to do that night,” she waggled her eyebrows and Clarke chuckled.

“Speaking of which: you seriously cannot touch my neck for the next week. It’s crazy sore. I mean, I’m thrilled with how it happened, but seriously ouch. Feels like one big bruise.”

“Kind of looks like it too.” 

“I’m just glad it’s cool enough I can get away with a scarf and not look like a hipster. I don’t own enough concealer for this nonsense.”

“It really is a shame that people look down on markings. It’s such a prude concept to find them unsightly. I think maybe they’re all secretly upset that they aren’t getting any and that’s why they get so upset.”

“You might be right, if the WASP mom I caught sending me laser eyes in the grocery today is anything to go by.”

“So, no neck for a week. How ever shall you cope?”

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll think of something.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lexa is a good friend.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feels?

“You cuddle with Lexa a lot.”

“I cuddle with everyone.”

“Yeah, but Lexa doesn’t. It took like three months before I could even hug her without getting stiff-armed.”

Clarke shrugged, “I am affectionate and unstoppable. Lexa knows better than to fight a losing battle.”

Raven hummed skeptically, “I dunno. You’re MORE cuddly with her. I’ve only seen you that touchy-feely with Wells and Monty, sometimes Harper.”

“Jealous? It’s not my fault you can’t sit still to save your life. And Octavia would be on that list except she has freakishly pointy elbows.”

“They are deadly weapons, truly.”

~~~~~~

Clarke whimpered, burying her face into Lexa’s shoulder, arms around her waist like a vice. Lexa stared straight at the screen, a mixture of awe and disgust on her face, while she awkwardly patted the side of Clarke’s head.

“I can handle spooky, scary, thrillers, jumpscares, slashers, monsters, hell even zombies, but I can’t,” a nauseous burp escaped, “I can’t do realistic gore. Just let me know when it’s done~!”

Lexa nodded, still staring, “I mean… the special effects are really good. You have to admire the skill put in to make it look… so real.”

Clarke nodded against her shoulder, still hiding from the screen. “I can appreciate that conceptually I just can’t look at it without blowing chunks.”

“Fair enough. Alright, babe, it’s all clear.”

As soon as the words left her mouth Lexa froze, glancing quickly to the side to see Clarke’s response. Clarke, for her part, just turned her head so she was facing the screen, not letting up the grip of the arm around Lexa’s waist, nor the grip of the fist clutching at her shirt.

“Why did we decide to watch this again?” Clarke muttered almost to herself.

~~~~~~

“Alright bitches we’re playing Never Have I Ever. Clarke, you can’t escape this, I got you the lowest ABV beer they have. If it tastes like ass, then that’s almost as good as getting you drunk.”

Octavia slammed the pint in front of Clarke, cocking an eyebrow and daring her to try and escape. Clarke shrugged, narrowed her eyes at the beer, sniffed, sipped, then shrugged again. “I’ll live.”

“Good, so I’m going first. Never have I ever…” she glanced around at the group, pondering something reasonable for this mix. Raven, Monty, Harper, Jasper, Bellamy, Monroe, Lexa, Clarke, and herself. “Kissed the same gender.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, as did Lexa, while they drank. Raven joined them, as did Monty and Bellamy.

Lexa shot out a fairly tame, “Never have I ever skateboarded.”

Jasper gave the group, “Never have I ever peed in the woods.”

Monty threw out, “Never have I ever gotten high.” He drank.

The round continued, staying fairly tame, until they finally reached Raven and the plotting look on her face had Clarke bracing for trouble.

“My turn,” Raven said, smirking around at the table, “Never have I ever had a crush on Clarke.”

“Seriously Rae?” Clarke asked incredulously.

“Nope. Drink up bitches.”

Bellamy and Jasper both drank, but the one that stole most of the table’s attention was Harper. “She’s cute as shit and really sweet,” she muttered in her defense, “I’m pretty sure everyone has a crush on her at some point.”

Clarke caught Lexa from the corner of her eye subtly taking a sip. She turned to Octavia and glared at her. “Drink bitch, I remember 6th grade.”

“Why did I ever tell you…?” Octavia asked herself, taking her drink.

~~~~~~

“I’m definitely more tipsy than I wanted to be.” Clarke muttered, standing outside the bar. 

“You good to get home?”

“Yeah. I mean. I think so? I should be fine. Whatever.”

Lexa cocked an eyebrow. “Your mom’s home and you don’t want her seeing you less than sober.”

Clarke huffed and puffed and deflated, shooting Lexa a half smile. “Yeah. Pretty much.”

“Come crash at my place. We can talk about all the incredible secrets revealed during tonight’s game.”

“It would be nice to unpack all of that strangeness.”

“I’ll get us an Uber.”

~~~~~~

Clarke sat straddling Lexa’s lap, trailing kisses down her neck, before taking a deep breath. She kept her head buried in her neck as she said, “You called me ‘babe’ the other day, while we were watching the movie… and I saw you take a drink during Raven’s crush question.”

Lexa froze, slowly pulling her face away from Clarke’s neck and licking her lips. “Yep.”

Clarke slid her hands up into Lexa’s hair, pulling back to look her in the eyes. “I liked it when you called me ‘babe’.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. And… if the question had been about you I would’ve had to drink.”

Lexa blinked, stunned silent.

Clarke carried on, “Do you... “ She took another deep breath. “Do you want to go on a date?”

“Absolutely,” Lexa breathed out.

Clarke pulled her in for a kiss, slower and more gentle than their usual. They stayed like that for a long moment before her hands slid down to Lexa’s shoulders, her thumbs playing along her collar bones.

“Honestly I don’t think it would change a whole lot. Not if we don’t want it to. Just, what we’ve been doing, plus feelings.”

“I’d like that. I’m all for plus feelings.”

“Me too.”

~~~~~~

Clarke sat up slowly, disentangling Lexa’s arms from where they were wrapped around her waist. She rolled her shoulders, her neck, stretched her arms across her chest, and groaned at the soreness that was present whenever she spent a night in a bed these days.

“Stiff?” Lexa murmured from where her face was still pressed into the pillows.

“Very. I told you, beds are just too soft now.”

“We’ll think of something. Maybe I’ll just have to give you back rubs when you spend the night.”

“Thinking of making this a regular occurrence?”

“Hoping,” she said simply, reaching up with a hand to lazily massage at Clarke’s shoulders.

“Well. I hope you have ideas for dates, because I haven’t been on one in six years.”

“S-six? Weren’t you with your ex until last year?”

“Yeah, we uh, we didn’t really go out together after a while.”

“That’s a shame. I’ll have to come up with something to make up for it, then.”

“I’m sure whatever you plan will be fantastic.” Clarke settled back against the pillows, looking down at Lexa who was still buried in pillows and blankets, her hair poofing out in every direction.

“One question, do we, and if we do when, do we want to tell our friends?”

“Well Raven already suspects, so she’s going to figure it out before anyone else. Want to just let them find out on their own?”

“Sure. No reason to make a big deal of it.”

“It is kind of a big deal.”

“No reason to make a bigger deal, then.”

“Fair enough.” Clarke shrugged, turning on her side to curl up into Lexa’s body, tucking her head under her chin. “You’re really cuddly in your sleep, did you know that?”

“I am?”

“Yeah, I got up to pee and you were wrapped all up around me. Arms AND legs. It took me like five minutes to get you to detach before I could get up.”

“Sorry?”

“It was cute. I like that you’re affectionate with me.”

“Pretty much only with you.”

“I’ve heard. Raven was complaining she couldn’t even hug you for months when you met.”

“In my defense, most of her hugging attempts looked more like tackles.”

“Sounds about right. What was different with me?”

“Inevitability. You just crept into my personal space every chance you got, and then you refused to leave.”

“Also sounds about right. And pretty much what I said to Raven when she complained to me. I told her you knew better than to fight a losing battle.”

“Correct. And if there’s one battle it seems everyone is doomed to lose, it’s fighting against your cuddles.”

“Octavia’s the only exception.”

“Really?”

“She has freakishly sharp elbows. She doesn’t even mean to fight me off, but after the third time taking one to the boob I just gave up.”

Lexa chuckled, burying her face into the top of Clarke’s head and wrapping her arms around her again. After a few minutes of silence she mumbled, “This is nice.”

“It really is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feels!
> 
> Also, the movie they're watching is Gerald's Game and it has a degloving (DO NOT LOOK IT UP) scene that's really well shot and I almost puked. It was great.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suspicions are aroused.

“Seriously Clarke, she’s terrifying?”

“I just don’t see it Jas.”

“She never smiles!”

“That’s a lie. I see her smile all the time.”

“Okay, she never smiles at anything except for you.”

“Nooooo… surely she’s… She must’ve... “ Clarke trailed off, brow furrowing as she thought back over her observations of Lexa since they met. “She smiles with her eyes,” she finally said with a shrug.

“That’s weird, I thought smiling required upturned lips by definition.”

“Don’t be an ass. Seriously though, how are you scared of her?”

“I saw her play Chicken with O at Bell’s pool party last summer. She was intense. O didn’t stand a chance. Even Bell was nervous and he was her partner. I think if they’d lost she was going to gut him.”

Clarke scoffed, imagining for a moment the kind of hard determination Lexa displayed every time she wanted to win. “Okay I can see how she’s kind of intimidating when she’s competitive. But she’s not scary!”

“I just think you’re biased.”

“How would I be biased?”

“Cuz you’re totally crushing on her. Everything that should be terrifying is just kind of hot when you’re crushing on someone.”

Clarke balked at the accusation. Not to say it wasn’t TRUE, but the fact that JASPER had picked up on it threw her. He wasn’t known for being the most observant of the group, after all. “How do you figure I’m crushing on her?”

“I have eyes, Clarke. You get all gooey when she’s near and you can’t get more than five feet away from her without trying to keep her in your line of sight.”

Clarke blinked, blinked again, then nodded. “I cannot argue that.”

“So you are crushing on her. Does she know?”

“Jasper, if you know, I think it’s safe to say she does too,” she hedged, still not wanting to fully share the development in their relationship. Even coming from a good place like Jasper, it felt a little too new, too fragile, like a butterfly still drying its wings. She didn’t want anyone touching it until it could fly.

~~~~~~

“You know… I don’t think I ever really told you how proud I am of you.”

Clarke looked up from her plate, catching her mom’s eyes with a curious tilt to her head. “For what? I barely finished high school, I’ve never held a real job for longer than three months, I’m almost thirty and back in my childhood bedroom. What’s there to be proud of?”

Abby smiled sadly at her daughter’s summation of her life. “All I ever wanted was for you to be a good person. You are. Everything else is incidental. Life happens, good and bad, but at the center of it, you’re a good person. That’s what I’m proud of.”

Clarke swallowed back tears, she hadn’t expected this kind of heartfelt conversation when her mother had showed up with take out and a desire to touch base. “But that’s not really anything I did. You should be proud of things I do.”

“I am. You do good things. You’re open with your heart and you give everything your friends ask of you.”

“But I was gone for so long… I barely know who any of us are anymore.”

“Does it feel like you’ve been gone a long time? When you’re together with them, does it feel like years?”

“Not really, just like I came back from vacation and they have stories from while I was gone. Like, it was inevitable I’d be back.”

“I know it felt that way, for all of us.”

~~~~~~

Clarke dropped into Lexa’s lap, setting their beers on the table before wiggling to get comfortable.

“How have you gotten MORE cuddly?” Lexa asked, squinting at Clarke and poking her shoulder.

Clarke shrugged off her poking. “Dunno. Can’t keep my distance and don’t want to?”

“Well you’re going to ruin the game. They’re all going to figure it out because you can’t keep your hands… or your ass, to yourself.”

“Jasper’s already called it. Or halfway, at least.”

“Jasper!?”

“I know, right? Yeah he pointed out the other day that you only smile at me, and that I can’t keep my eyes off of you.”

“I don’t _only_ smile at you.” Lexa looked offended by the notion.

“You kind of do, babe. Like you smile with your eyes all the time, but pretty much no one else picks up on that apparently. The only time you obviously smile is at me, or about me.”

“Great, because I needed to feed your ego.”

“Hey, my ego is a perfectly healthy size.” Clarke slapped her shoulder.

Lexa hummed noncommittally, grabbing her beer and taking a drink before casting a glance around the bar to see where their friends had managed to get off to. “Think Raven’s going to call you out any time soon?”

“Nah, she’ll wait for more evidence before she tries to corner me. I’d like to be able to really blindside her when she does, though. I’m thinking, maximum casual. Really take the wind out of her sails.”

“She does like to build up to a dramatic accusation. Please try to film it when it happens.”

“I’ll do my best!”

~~~~~~

Clarke rolled around in the bed, trying desperately to get comfortable. She’d slept fine for the first couple hours, but then her back started aching and it woke her up, and left her unable to fall back asleep.

Huffing, she finally untangled herself from the sheets and Lexa’s limbs, to go walk around for a bit and stretch out. 

“This is seriously the stupidest reason for insomnia ever,” she muttered, moving to the kitchen to get a glass of water. “Can’t sleep, bed’s too comfy. What kind of first world nonsense is this?”

She continued her grumbling to herself while she worked through a brief stretching routine the physical therapist she’d had for a year had taught her. Turned out, sitting hunched over a computer desk every day for 8+ hours was bad for your back.

“Think a firmer mattress would help?” Lexa asked as she padded into the kitchen.

“If by that, you mean ‘replace the mattress with plywood’ then yeah, it would. This is seriously annoying, I just want to be able to sleep next to you. This is so _dumb_.”

“I’ll admit,” Lexa reached out to Clarke, pulling her in for a loose hug, “it’s probably the strangest reason someone’s left my bed at two in the morning. ‘Bed’s too soft’ is really… an odd complaint.”

Clarke hummed an agreement, wrapping her arms around Lexa’s waist and resting her head on her shoulder. “Would you really get a hard mattress just to see if I could actually sleep all night?”

“Absolutely. I only woke up because you were gone. I kind of like having you next to me. Even with you waking up, and waking me up, it’s still the best sleep I get all week.”

“I might be amenable to sleeping over more often if I didn’t wake up with a sore back.”

“Then it’s settled.”

~~~~~~

“Clarke, what are you doing for Thanksgiving?”

“Uh, Mom’s decided to prep a ton of food, she’s on call for the night but dinner itself should be available. You guys wanna come by for it?”

“Of course! Mama G hasn’t hosted in like five years, and her turkey is always the best.”

“Delinquent’s Thanksgiving, then?” Clarke looked around the group with a grin.

“Abso-freaking-lutely!"

“Everyone better bring something extra then, somehow no matter how much Mom cooked there was never leftovers at the end of the night.”

Monty nudged his way into the conversation, “That’s because Raven has a hollow leg and Octavia’s stomach is a black hole. I’m still working on my theory for where Bellamy puts his food, maybe he’s got a TARDIS in his intestines.”

“Would explain how he’s always so full of shit!” Octavia exclaimed from across the table to a round of chuckles. “What’re we talking about?”

“Delinquent’s Thanksgiving at Griffin’s,” Raven supplied.

“Oh hell yes. I know Jasper and Maya were terrified they were going to get tapped to host this year.”

Monty laughed, “If it wasn’t the Griffin’s, it’d be at our place. We haven’t actually had a party or whatever there yet.”

“Well, someone send out the invites. And remember, everyone has to bring something. No, drinks don’t count, I don’t know who decided drinks count, but they’re terrible and want people to go hungry.” Clarke reminded the group, before sending out her own invite to Lexa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Abby's talk is based on one I had with my mom, except her's was more 'you're not an asshole and that's all I ever wanted for my kids'. She truly has a way with words.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanksgiving, and someone finds out about Clexa!

The smell of pies, warming in the oven, permeated the house. Layered underneath, turkey and stuffing, fresh rolls, and a pot full of coffee. The counters were covered in dishes, the spare folding table was threatening collapse under a pile of crocks and pans full of food brought by the guests. The coffee table was covered in drinks, with coolers stocked full in the corners. 

The dining table was less where everyone sat down at once, and more where those who had grabbed an over-full plate went to knock it down to size while they chatted. The house was almost obscenely full of people, friends, family, friends-of-family, and family-of-friends. Most didn’t plan to stay the whole evening, the house falling into surges and lulls of occupancy as people swung by.

Clarke was loving it. 

She had forgotten how nice it was to host, to bring a little more brightness to people’s day, to share the warmth and care of good food and good company.

Holidays with the Collins’ were dour, and full of subtle reprimand towards her for her profession and towards Finn for not making her play housewife, or at least get a ‘real job’. The contrast settled something inside her as she considered it, thinking perhaps it was a mark of incompatibility that she should’ve noticed earlier. Either way, it was done and she never had to suffer through another oddly-seasoned turkey again.

“You’re looking awfully broody all of a sudden.”

Clarke turned to Lexa, the frown that had found its way onto her face easing up into a slight smile. “Just realizing some things. Mostly noticing how nice this is.”

“It is nice. I like this a lot better than the formal dinner my parents insist on every year.”

“How’d you escape it, if they insist?”

Lexa glanced away, clearing her throat awkwardly, “I uh- Well. Told them… you insisted I attend.”

Clarke’s gaze turned somewhere between inquisitive and accusative, “And who did you say I am to you, that it could possibly get you out of a formal dinner?”

Lexa looked around, slightly desperate for an escape, anyone in need, anything, before glancing back at Clarke and saying, with a hunch to her shoulders, “I said you were my girlfriend. They… take that very seriously.”

Clarke’s eyes went wide and she slapped Lexa’s shoulder, “Lexa! We haven’t even been dating a month!” She hissed, glancing around to ensure they wouldn’t be caught out discussing their relationship status. The game was still on and it was still too much fun.

“Yes, well… We’ve been, _together_ for several months. I simply… implied… and let them draw their own conclusions…” She trailed off, before continuing in a very small voice, “Except for the girlfriend part, that had to be said explicitly.”

Clarke groaned, squeezing her eyes shut, “Okay.”

“O-okay?”

“Okay.”

“I’m confused. You seemed… upset.”

“I’m upset that the first time you called me your girlfriend was to use it as a Get Out of Jail Free card with your parents.”

“...First time?”

“That’s what you’re taking from this?”

“I’m listening to the important parts.”

Clarke slapped her shoulder again, “Yes, first time.”

“That means I get to call you my girlfriend again.”

“Yes.”

“When?”

Clarke bit her lip, trying not to smile too broadly, “Whenever you want.”

Lexa gave an odd twitch at that, her free hand clenching tight. At Clarke’s raised brow she sheepishly mumbled, “I had to restrain a fist pump.”

Clarke laughed, pulling her in for a tight, lingering hug.

~~~

“I honestly did not believe you when you said that there wouldn’t be leftovers.”

“I mean… I told you. I told everyone. There’s _never_ leftovers. Even when it’s just the core group. It’s kind of impressive.”

“No, it’s extremely impressive. A bit disappointing, but impressive.”

“Don’t worry. I stashed a couple pies in the fridge in the garage.”

Lexa chuckled, passing a stack of dirty dishes to be placed in the sink. “Is your mother coming home tonight?”

“No, she’s at the hospital for the next 36.”

Lexa hummed thoughtfully, continuing to move around the house and gather up wayward plates and glasses. “I’ve never stayed the night,” she finally said in a casually conversational tone.

Clarke quirked a brow at her, taking the stack of plates from her hands, “Very subtle, babe.”

Lexa shrugged, “I could’ve just asked you to fuck me on the couch.”

“You might wind up there anyways. You haven’t tried sleeping without a mattress before.”

~~~~~~

“WHY am I so sore?”

“I mean, I don’t want to _brag_ or anything…”

“Clarke. You know what I meant.”

Clarke chuckled, rolling Lexa onto her stomach before straddling her hips and starting to massage her naked back. “Y’know how you shift around in your sleep? You’ve got more leverage now. So instead of just kind of ineffectually wiggling, you wind up actually pushing off and using your muscles. So you wake up sore, until you’re used to it.”

“How long does that take?”

“Took me three weeks.”

“You woke up like this every day for three weeks?”

“Well, I didn’t have much of a choice. Though, I did enjoy the feeling of waking with exercise-sore muscles a lot nicer than waking with a stiff spine from not moving at all.”

Lexa grumbled a vaguely agreeing sound, relaxing into the pillows as Clarke worked her hands up and down her back. “If I get a rub like this every morning for three weeks I might just throw out my bed.”

“Let’s see if that firm mattress compromise works out first, eh? It’s a lot easier to cuddle when there’s some give.”

“True. And an actual bed does give a few more options when it comes to sex.”

Clarke leaned forwards, bare breasts pressing into Lexa’s back and her mouth dangerously close to her ear, “An actual bed, with a headboard. It’s given me _ideas_.”

Lexa felt a shiver crawl up her spine, “What kind of ideas?”

~~~~~~

“So I heard Lexa stayed over after Thanksgiving.”

Clarke’s gaze whipped over to where her mom stood, pouring her morning coffee. “Who? How?”

“Raven talks to me.”

“Raven hits on you.”

“Only because it pisses you off.”

Clarke grumbled into her own coffee, knowing it was true. “Okay. So. Your point? Wait… How did Raven even know?” Confusion clouds her features as she tries to puzzle it out, coming to the conclusion that Raven was the last to leave, and had seen Lexa’s car still there at some point.

“Doesn’t matter. My point is, she’s nice. I’m glad you met her. And I’m liking whatever is going on between you two, you’re happier.”

“Alright Mom, I’m going to level with you, but you have to swear to me to tell no one.”

Abby raised an eyebrow, inclining her head for Clarke to continue.

“We’re dating- well, actually I guess she’s my girlfriend now. We’re together, anyways. We’re seeing how long it takes for everyone else to catch on.”

Abby snorted into her mug. “They haven’t already? I was barely here when she was and I could see you two were close. Romantically close.”

“Jasper’s the only one who seems to think so, so far.”

“Jasper?”

“I know, right?”

“I’m betting Maya had something to do with that.”

“I did not consider that option. I think you’re right. Anyways, we’re not exactly trying to hide it or anything, just nothing super blatant. Just to see how long it takes them. You’re the first person we’ve actually told. Well,” a sour look crosses her face, “the first person either of us _actually wanted_ to tell.”

A quirked brow prompted Clarke to continue, “Lexa wound up accidentally asking me to be her girlfriend on Thanksgiving, because the only way she could get out of her family’s dinner was to say she was going to be at her girlfriend’s dinner.”

“Oh dear lord.”

“Right? And then, I think she thought I was mad because she didn’t really ask and it was a bit soon. I wasn’t, obviously.”

“You were mad because the first time your relationship was talked about it was an excuse.”

“An excuse to be with me, I’ll grant her, but yeah, basically.”

“She understand that?”

“Yeah. She made it up to me.”

“That why you’ve got your collar pulled up to your ears?”

Clarke felt her cheeks grow hot as she shrunk down into the fluffy collar of her bath robe, “No idea what you’re talking about.”

Abby hummed, passing by Clarke to go to her room and get ready for the day, “You’re not as sneaky as you think you are Honey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look it doesn't matter how old you are it's hard to sneak hickies past your mom.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Between holidays.

Clarke was curled into an almost aggressively small ball on Lexa’s couch, arms clamped tight around her stomach, forehead pressed to her knees. She let out a little groan, unable to hold herself back from vocalizing her pain any longer.

Lexa stepped into the room with a furrowed brow and downturned lips. “That bad?”

“The fucking worst.”

“I’ve got Midol and a hot water bottle.” She held out the mentioned items, Clarke taking them with painstaking slowness in some bid to stave off another round of cramping.

“It feels like my guts are trying to escape.”

Lexa gave a weak half-smile, settling down next to the other woman and rubbing gentle circles on her lower back. “I know babe. Anything else I can do for you?”

Clarke shook her head, downing the painkillers and tucking the hot water bottle into the crook of her hips. She paused in thought, then nodded, “Cuddles.”

“You always want cuddles.”

“Exactly.”

Lexa rolled her eyes, shifting position so Clarke could topple sideways and land on her chest. She wrapped her arms around the pained woman and grabbed the remote to put on a Disney movie. “I really hope this helps,” she said, pressing a kiss to her temple.

“I’m already feeling better.”

~~~~~~

“...did I ever tell you that my mom knows about us?’

“Nnnnno, you did not.”

“Huh. Must’ve slipped my mind.”

“How… did she take it? And how did that conversation happen?”

“Oh she found out you spent the night, teased me some, said she thinks you’re good for me, and let me know I can’t hide hickies from her if my life depended on it. Honestly I’m not sure how it came to any of those points.”

“She thinks I’m good for you?” Lexa positively beamed at the parental approval.

“Yeah babe. She thinks you’re aces. Totally great. And she completely called us being a couple just from watching while she was there on Thanksgiving.”

“How the hell have none of our friends caught on?”

“No fucking clue.”

~~~~~~

“Clarke…? Clarke!? CLARKE!”

“What?”

“Why is Lexa hugging me?” Jasper was stiff, arms clamped to his sides, eyes wide.

“Oh, yeah, apparently she’s a cuddly drunk. Did you guys not know this?”

“Nope. Never seen her actually drunk. Can you please… help? I don’t want her to kill me if she remembers.”

Clarke laughed, sliding an arm between the tense Jasper and the loose and snuggly Lexa. “Lex, c’mon, leave Jasper alone. He’s gonna have a heart attack.”

Lexa quickly transferred her clinginess from Jasper to Clarke’s arm, “But he thinks I’m scary, I don’t want him to think I’m scary. Hugs aren’t scary.”

“Jasper doesn’t think you’re scary,” she shot him a sharp look, daring him to disagree, then started pulling Lexa towards the bar to get her some water and fries. “Babe, why are you drunk already?”

“Raven talked us into Truth or Dare. Shots were the forfeit. I forfeit a lot.”

“Y’know, you’re a very articulate drunk.”

“Yeah but my filter runs off and I can’t see straight,” she blinked hard, clinging a little tighter to Clarke, “It’s almost as bad as when I forget my contacts.”

“Contacts?”

“Huh yeah, I’m nearsighted.”

Clarke’s brain stalled out as they finally got Lexa some water. “Do you have glasses?”

“Uh yeah why?”

“Please, for the love of all that is holy, wear them.”

Lexa blinked slowly, turning her whole body to stare hard at Clarke, partially because her outline was fuzzy and trying to multiply and partially because she hadn’t heard a tone that was that _desperate_ from her before. Before she managed to formulate a response, a basket of fries appeared, and Clarke started feeding them to her.

“So why did you wind up forfeiting so much during Truth or Dare? I wouldn’t trust Raven on dares in public but everyone else is alright.”

“Didn’ wanna risk it,” she replied around a mouthful of fries, “an’ they kept askin’ me relationship stuff. I never answered those before either.”

“Those jerks. They really were just trying to get you drunk!”

“It worked,” Lexa said with a shrug, already seeing her girlfriend more clearly. “You’re helping.”

“Damn straight I am. I had plans for you tonight.”

“Plans?”

Clarke leaned forward to lock eyes with her, “ _Plans_.”

Lexa downed her water and started shovelling fries in.

~~~~~~

Lexa paced the length of her living room, hands clasped behind her, head high. Back and forth and back and forth and back-

Clarked watched her, in her usual spot on the couch, with an eyebrow slightly raised and an amused tilt to her lips. “Babe?” She tried, gently. “Babe.” A little more firm. “Lex.” A little more loud. “Lexa!” Finally, with a laugh at the end.

Lexa stopped mid-step, head whipping around to face Clarke. “H-how long have you been there?”

“The… entire time? Care to share what’s got you THAT distracted? Who was on the phone?”

“Uhm. My parents.”

“Oh no. Did you tell them we’re married to get out of Christmas?”

Lexa’s cheeks shot to red and Clarke had to stifle her giggling behind a hand. “No! But this might be worse..?”

“I’d say ‘what could be worse’ but I don’t want to give you the wrong impression.”

“About what? Wait, nevermind, not important right now.” She waved a hand, then pressed it against her forehead. “They argued that because I spent Thanksgiving with you, you should spend Christmas with us.”

Clarke nodded slowly, not that she’d been expecting something like that, just that it was fairly reasonable, especially considering Lexa’s parents thought they’d been dating for closer to five months at this point. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay. Delinquent’s have always, and I’m told this is still true, scatter for Christmas and then come and party for New Year’s. My mom _always_ works holidays, so it was going to be me watching A Wonderful Life and Rudolph and Muppet Christmas Carol and drinking egg nogg by myself. So yeah, sounds good.”

Lexa didn’t freeze, exactly, there was no additional tension to her frame. She just kind of… stopped. Eyes wide. Mouth hanging open. After a few moments her brain seemed to reboot, “But… you have no idea what you’re getting into? I haven’t told you… anything about them.”

Clarke shrugged, “I know enough. They actively want you around for holidays but they’ll take a relatively new relationship as a reason to bail. They won’t hold that against you and instead use it to try and meet the girlfriend. And they called you about it three weeks before the day, to give you plenty of time to find a way to escape.” She shrugged again, “They sound like basically good people. The formal dinner for Thanksgiving is a bit grating but that’s just costume for who they are.”

Lexa still hadn’t moved, still staring at Clarke, chest barely moving with breath. After another minute she nodded, barely, to herself, blinked a few times, then caught Clarke’s eyes, “I’m gonna marry you one day.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lexa BSOD'ing at Clarke being chill, anyone? Anyone else love that shit?


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's december third but it's Christmas up in here today.

“Okay. Okay. Okay… We got this. We got this, right?”

“We got this babe.”

“It’s just… an afternoon with family. And gifts. And a dinner. And expectations… and I really hope they like you.”

“Of course they’ll like me, have you met me? I’m great,” Clarke chuckled, running a hand along her girlfriend’s shoulders to encourage the muscles to relax. “Calm down. I can take whatever they dish out. It’s gonna be fine.”

“Okay… Okay. If you wanna leave at any point-”

“I won’t. We’re at least going to get through the whole evening, it’s the least I can do after stealing you away for a holiday.”

“You didn’t steal me. I ran.” Lexa corrected firmly, glancing back to the road as they pulled into the neighborhood her parents lived. “At least Christmas is relaxed. It was impossible to get me out of my PJs on Christmas day when I was a kid, so they just gave up and made it a casual day.”

“I was wondering why the dress code was so loose. Thank you baby Lexa for being stubborn.”

Lexa laughed at last, letting out a deep breath. “You look really nice, by the way. I don’t think I said anything.”

“You didn’t, but I knew you would. You look nice too.”

They shared a smile before Lexa pulled her car into the long driveway, piling in behind several others.

“So it’s my parents, their siblings, and my cousins. Everyone older comes by Christmas Eve to drop off gifts for the kids. Well… ‘kids’,” she amended the air quotes. “I’ll have to make it up to Gran and Gramp before New Year’s.”

“C’mon, I want to meet everyone.” Clarke opened her door and stepped out, heading for the trunk to grab the bags of gifts. Lexa had gotten something for everyone, Clarke had helped her decide on a few things. Clarke had only gotten something for Lexa’s parents, and Lexa herself.

Lexa shooed her away from grabbing more than two of the bags, taking up the remaining four. Clarke rolled her eyes and shut the trunk. “Knock, doorbell, or walk right in?” She asked as they approached the door.

Lexa answered by leaning on the doorbell for a solid five seconds while Clarke stared incredulously. Lexa grinned in response and they were both startled when the door was wrenched open.

“EVERY YEAR! EVERY DAMN YEAR!” 

“Good to see you too Anya!” Lexa said with a bright grin. “Care to shove off and let us in?”

Anya glared at Lexa, shifting slightly so that there was room for Clarke to pass her by. “Ladies first.”

Clarke nodded at her, slipping past, while Anya shifted back to block Lexa fully.

“Every. Fucking. Year.” She enunciated lowly.

“Mhm.”

“Every year.”

“Yes.”

“What kind of impression are you trying to make here?”

“...a genuine one?” Lexa blinked in confusion.

Anya scowled, pondered a moment, then moved to finally let Lexa into the house. “I’m Anya, cousin, holiday bouncer,” she finally introduced herself to Clarke.

“Clarke, girlfriend, highly amused,” she replied, offering a handshake and getting a firm one.

“I like you better than her already.”

“That doesn’t seem difficult if she does that _every year_.”

Anya turned to Lexa who was struggling to free her arms from the bags, “I like this one. If you don’t, I’m gonna keep her.”

Lexa shot a glare at Anya, then softened when Clarke came over to free her from the bag straps. “You really should’ve let me help more.”

“She never lets anyone help. I’m shocked you had a bag at all.”

“I beat her to the trunk. And she knows I’ll go down with a fight if she tries to get bags off me.”

“Seriously, Lexa, I will keep her. I will kick you out of the family, she’s already a better cousin,” Anya said before stalking off deeper into the house.

Clarke shoulder-bumped Lexa and murmured, “I told you it’d be okay.”

~~~

“Lexa! About time you got here. And no black eye from Anya!”

Lexa stepped into the kitchen and pulled her mother in for a tight hug. “She was too busy being polite to Clarke,” she stepped away and pulled Clarke to her side, “Clarke, this is my mother, Indra.”

“It’s really nice to meet you ma’am,” Clarke offered a warm, genuine smile. It _was_ nice to meet her, Lexa was the sweetest and she was dieing to hear stories. Maybe some baby pictures if she got lucky.

“It’s nice to meet you as well. I must say I’m surprised. It took us two years to get Lexa’s last girlfriend to come for a holiday.”

“ _Mother_ ,” Lexa hissed with wide eyes.

Indra waved a hand at her, turning to pour them all some coffee, “It’s the truth.”

Clarke chuckled, turning down any milk or sugar before sipping at her cup, “Well it helps that my holiday plans are always solo affairs. No one to reschedule with except my DVR.”

Indra hummed in acknowledgement, “So, Lexa hasn’t told me much of anything about you except that you exist and that Thanksgiving is very important to you.”

Clarke shot Lexa a glare, “Really now? I could say the same.”

Lexa hid behind her own coffee mug, avoiding both sets of eyes, “Mother, Clarke is an artist. And Thanksgiving this year was her first chance to see all her friends and family for several years.” She took a sip, “Clarke, Mother is a lawyer. And Thanksgiving is for schmoozing with business associates who don’t value their families enough.”

Indra snorted, rolled her eyes, took a drink, “True enough. Why did you think I let you run off every year you could find an excuse?”

Clarke barked out a laugh at the comical surprise that crossed Lexa’s face. “Lex did you really think you were being sneaky about it?”

“I _hoped_ ,” she grumbled.

“So,” Indra sipped again, “How did you two meet?”

“Same friend group. She got pulled in a few years after I left, we met up at a barbecue when I came back this summer. We kind of hit it off.”

“Sounds like you were away for a while.”

“I was.” The answer was said plainly, with a tinge of desperation to avoid the topic.

Indra noticed, giving Clarke a quick once-over. “Life can take us unexpected places, but it’s always good to come home.”

Clarke relaxed slightly at the diplomatic response, “It really is. Didn’t realize how much I’d missed everyone until I saw them again.”

~~~

“Lexa, are you ever going to introduce me to your girlfriend?”

Lexa turned from where she and Clarke had been lounging on the sofa. “Father, I would have if you’d been here. How is it that I arrived before you?”

“Bad roads,” he shrugged, leaning down to pull Lexa in for a crushing hug.

“Dad, this is Clarke. Clarke, my father, Gustus.”

“Gus, please,” he turned to Clarke and offered a warm handshake.

“Pleasure to meet you,” Clarke smiled, returning the shake.

“So how is it that you’ve managed to get Lexa to come to Christmas and not try and pull a vanishing act to avoid her cousins?”

“Not sure. Said I wanted to be here?”

Gustus looked at her with mild surprise, “Well then. That’d do it.”

Lexa looked at both of them, eyes narrowing, “First Anya, then mom, now you. I feel like everyone is either annoyed or surprised that I’m here. I feel very wanted,” she huffed and crossed her arms.

“I’m not annoyed or surprised?” Clarke offered with a half-shrug. “Very happy about it, in fact.”

Gustus chuckled, settling himself in his recliner. “Be fair, Lexa, every year you have a girlfriend it’s been pulling teeth to get you here. To hear that you have someone this year, and not only do you come but you bring her along? Well…” He trailed off with an amused shrug.

“You never mentioned that you have a history of dodging family functions,” Clarke chided gently. “I might have made you go to Thanksgiving if I’d known.”

“Maybe that’s why I didn’t say anything,” Lexa glanced away, ears pinking.

“I don’t know why you’re so against spending time with us,” Anya said as she entered the room, “I haven’t even beaten you up the last five years.”

Lexa looked at her blankly, “Anya, _last year_ you gave me a black eye.”

“That counts? Your standards for a beating have dropped.”

Lexa rolled her eyes, “Where’s Ryder? Where’s Aden? Where’s-”

“Lincoln?” Clarke cocked her head to the side as the large man trailed in.

“Clarke?” His head tilt matched hers.

“You two know each other?” Lexa asked as her gaze bounced between them.

“Uh, yeah, he was the maintenance guy in charge of my last apartment.”

“It was a shithole,” he added. “Wait, wait are _you_ Lexa’s new girlfriend?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh this is great!”

“Why is this great?” Lexa asked suspiciously.

“Because she and I are already past the awkward getting-to-know-you stage which means I can jump right into the let’s-tell-stories-about-Lexa stage.” 

He and Clarke shared a wide grin and Lexa shoved a throw pillow over her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't know Anya was going to be there, and then Lincoln snuck in too. Honestly I don't know what's going on with this story, but at least it's cute.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More Christmas

“Hey Clarke?”

“Hm?”

“Why do our friends refer to themselves as The Delinquents?”

Clarke chuckled quietly, trying to avoid clueing in the rest of the family to their quiet conversation while everyone ooh’d and aah’d over their freshly opened presents. 

“The core group, me, Murphy, Octavia, Monty, Jasper, Harper, and Bellamy. We all met in detention. Like… often. It was weekly for a while.”

“What on earth were you guys doing to get detention that much?”

“Monty and Jasper kept showing up high. Octavia kept punching people and Bellamy kept getting in the middle of her fights. Murphy was a budding arsonist, no nothing super bad, like he had it under control, he just liked setting things on fire.”

“You?”

“Graffiti. I gave the gym a new mural. Twice.”

“What did Harper do?”

“...I actually have no idea… she was just… always there. Huh. Anyways, we all started hanging out after having a few too many Breakfast Club moments. Basically everyone’s parents were like ‘I don’t understand why you hang out with those delinquents’ and we just kind of stole it.”

Lexa chuckled, curling in a little closer to Clarke on the couch. “So you were all budding criminals. How long did you guys keep meeting in detention?”

“I got caught the first time in my sophomore year, Octavia and Bellamy were the first ones I met and O was the first one I hung out with outside of detention. Monty and Jasper showed up like halfway through the year, they were a package deal at the time so when Monty suggested we go to a museum- shut up teenage me is allowed to enjoy museums in her down time,” she interrupted herself, slapping Lexa’s shoulder.

“Sorry, sorry. Where does Raven come in, in all of this?”

“Oh that’s… a little complicated.” She shied away from the topic almost instinctively. Everyone in her life had been there for it, she never had to actually explain the ordeal.

“Uncomplicate it?”

“Uh, summary then… Finn… was also one of the original Delinquents, he had a habit of leaving school grounds during class. He wound up asking me out after our third detention together and I said yes. We had a good time, but I come to school the next week and Raven’s at my locker asking what the hell I was doing with her boyfriend.”

“Wha~?”

“My thoughts exactly. Turned out they weren’t _official_ , highschool y’know? He apologized to both of us, I told him to deal with his mess and refused to talk to him for like three months. Raven wound up in detention near the end of that, something about a mentos bomb in a staff meeting, and told me that Finn had actually dealt with his shit and they weren’t anything but friends now. Raven liked how I handled the situation, and we started talking. She helped me glitter bomb the boy’s locker room later that month. Friends since.”

“And Finn?”

“Yeah he’s, uh, _The Ex_ ,” she finally admitted with a ducked head and half-shrug.

“Ahhh. You know, I hardly heard him mentioned in anyone’s stories.”

“He didn’t feature often. Murphy called him boring a lot. Octavia hated when he was around because he’d try and stop her punching people. Bellamy didn’t like him because he’s kind of a flirty guy, I don’t think he ever actually realized though. I think he spent most of his time with Monty and Jasper.”

“I’m assuming he wasn’t a participant in your grand vandalism schemes?”

“He ran interference with janitors once.”

Lexa snorted, then yelped when a pillow smacked into her face from across the room, “WHO THE HELL?”

Anya barked out a laugh at the sour look on Lexa’s face when the pillow fell away. “I needed to burst your bubble, you guys were getting sickeningly cuddly. No offense, Clarke.”

“Oh, offense taken. I am cuddly as shit and you can’t stop me,” Clarke raised a challenging brow at Anya.

Lexa huffed playfully, “No kidding. She’s a force of nature.”

Anya smirked, “I’m sure it has nothing to do with you turning into a total gay puddle around a pretty face.”

While Lexa gasped in mock offense, Clarke stood. She locked her eyes on Anya and started towards her, arms spread for a hug. “C’mon Anya. You already said I was a better cousin. I deserve a hug, don’t you think?”

Anya stood quickly, backing away from Clarke with her eyes narrowed. “Touch me and I’ll cut you. Ask Lexa, I’ll do it.”

“She will!” Lexa called across the room.

“I’m sure,” Clarke nodded, disagreeing completely, still stalking towards Anya. “C’mon, one hug. They’re good hugs!”

“No. Nope. Nuh uh.” Anya continued backing away, arms held in front of her to ward her off. “Not happening. Not today, not ever. I don’t hu-ah!”

Gustus clapped his hands on her shoulders as she smacked into him in her retreat. Clarke took the opportunity presented and smushed Anya up against his chest in a snug, warm hug. Gustus laughed, reaching around both of them and lifting the pair off the ground.

“Force of nature!” Lexa repeated from her spot on the couch.

~~~

“I am in awe of you.”

“I mean, I know I’m pretty spectacular, but what specifically brought this on?”

“They freaking loved you.”

“Oh, yeah. I told you,” Clarke tapped the center of Lexa’s chest and cuddled her head further into her shoulder, shifting to tangle their legs together under the covers.

“You did, you did. I had no idea you could be so charming.”

“Excuse you?”

“I meant with parents! Family! Not in general!” Lexa backtracked in mild panic, hugging at her shoulders and pressing a kiss into the top of her head.

“Mhm. Well. Now you know not to doubt me.”

“Truly. I am in awe. You _hugged Anya_ and she didn’t even punch you.”

“I don’t know why you’re so surprised, she’s just doing that ‘too tough’ thing that you do, but like to the max.”

“I don’t-”

“Babe. You do.”

Lexa huffed, hiding her face in the tangle of blonde hair resting on her chest. “Only a little.”

“Right. She does it a lot. But she’s not gonna hit me for going at her like that, she’d look like a total asshole and she’s not an asshole.”

“I beg to differ.”

“From what I understand you earned every single bruise she ever gave you.”

“All I did last year was ring the doorbell!”

“... _Babe_.”

“It’s the truth!”

“And a tradition, apparently.”

“Yes.”

“Then so is the beating that follows,” Clarke half-shrugged, giggling at the aggravated groan Lexa gave.

“Did you have a good time?” Lexa asked after a few moments of silence.

“I had a great time. They’re all wonderful. And I can’t believe Lincoln is your cousin!”

“Small world, right?”

“Crazy small. Y’know I still have his number in my phone.”

“Why?”

“Apartment was threatening to sue for past-due, Murphy and I kept records of the state of the place so if they tried we could clean them out. I’m not gonna go starting a fight, but I’ll fucking finish one.”

“I’ll be sure to remember that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, Anya needs fucking hugs, okay?


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Between the holidays, Anya gets cookies

“Hey can I get Anya’s number?”

“Why do you want Anya’s number?”

“I made cookies.”

“I’m not following.”

“I want to share them?”

“With Anya.”

“Yes with Anya.”

“...Why?”

“Because I saw her sneak like ten of them on Christmas.”

Lexa pauses, glancing up from her phone finally and blinks at Clarke. “What?”

Clarke rolls her eyes. “Every time she got up she grabbed a cookie, but she was being super sneaky about it, like palming them and shit. It was really funny. How did you not notice?”

“I don’t spend a lot of time staring at my cousin.”

“I think you’re just unobservant.”

“I’m not, I just don’t care.”

“Can I have her number or do I have to ask Lincoln?”

“Fiiiiiine.”

~~~~~~

“So how long have you and Clarke been dating?”

Lexa chokes on her soda, glancing quickly around the diner where the group was going to meet up and fuel up before going out on the town. “What makes you think we’re dating?” She finally asks in a slightly strangled voice.

“I have eyes, Lexa,” Harper says, tilting her head to the side and staring. “I saw you take a drink at Raven’s crush question, and it got me thinking.” She shrugs.

“Don’t tell anyone.”

“Why not?”

“It’s more fun that way?”

Harper chuckles, “You guys have a weird sense of humor. Okay, I won’t tell anyone so long as you tell me everything.”

“Two months… we’ve been sleeping together for five, though.”

“I KNEW IT!”

“Hush!”

“I knew it! You’re too relaxed around her, like right from the beginning. And she’s always touching you. ALWAYS.”

“She is very tactile,” Lexa admits quietly.

“She isn’t half so touchy-feely with anyone else. Like if you two are in a room she’s glued to your side. Plus she hasn’t noticed, like… every waiter ever flirting with her the last couple months, Raven backed me up on that one.”

“You think Raven’s figured it out yet?”

“No. No but she’s going to be pissed. She had big money on you guys not admitting your attraction for like… a year.”

“You guys bet on us?”

“Of course we did, have you met us? There’s a pool going on when Bellamy’s going to ask out Echo too, if you want in on it.”

Lexa waved a hand in a vague ‘pass’ motion, “Whatever, I want in on the pool. I call forfeit on all the money that says we get together in the future. We’ll let you know if anyone actually got it right.”

“There’s also one on when you guys are gonna bang. Raven’s bet date passed a couple months ago, she’s pissed.”

“Fuck this is great. Clarke’s just gonna die when she hears this.”

“Right?”

“How big is the pool right now?”

“Like three hundred bucks if you put them both together.”

“Shit, we might take a vacation with that.”

~~~~~~

“They bet on us? Oh my god, we’re not telling until someone explodes.”

“I know, right? How ridiculous.”

“We’re getting in on the Bellamy-Echo pool.”

~~~~~~

“It’s confirmed, I’m replacing you with your girlfriend, she _is_ the better cousin.”

Lexa stared at Anya with full offense written on her face, “Excuse you?”

“Lexa she invited me over for cookies. You never invite me over for anything.”

“You hit me when I see you!”

“You deserve it!”

“You do kinda deserve it babe.”

The look of offense is turned to Clarke, “Not you too!”

Clarke shrugs, “Lincoln told me stories, he’s a reliable narrator. You were kind of a shit.”

Lexa grumbles, shoving a cookie in her mouth.

Clarke pats the top of her head, somewhere between condescending and affectionate. “It’s okay. You’re still a shit, but you’re _my_ shit.”

Anya almost chokes at the exasperated glare Lexa shoots her girlfriend.

~~~~~~

“Why is it always so busy between Christmas and New Year’s?”

“Half the people have to go back to work, half have it off for the holidays. Everyone’s travelling, even if it’s just across town. There’s always at least one party being thrown that you just HAVE to go to, according to basically everyone. It’s a mess.”

“Ugh,” Clarke throws her head back dramatically and Wells chuckles at the sight.

“So, how are things going with Lexa?”

Head still back, she can’t help the grin that overtakes her face. It’s Wells, he already knows everything, he’s just too polite. “Fantastic.”

“Any reason you’re hiding?”

“At first it was for fun, it’s clearly driving people insane thinking we’re not together. Then Lexa heard about the betting pool from Harper, who knows by the way. Now we’re thinking about telling everyone just so we can steal that.”

“You’ve accidentally conned our friends. I’m impressed.”

“I’m an impressive person.”

~~~~~~

“I invited Lincoln and Anya to New Year’s.”

“...you’re mentioning this now?” Lexa looked askance at the blonde grinding on her lap.

“I just remembered,” said with a shrug before lips and tongue returned to her neck.

“Why did you invite them?” She couldn’t help but ask.

“Why not?”

Lexa didn’t have a good response, so she just tilted her head back and let the woman have her way with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short today, but only because New Year's itself is gonna be a bit of a Thing. 
> 
> Don't be surprised it updates slow down now that I'm bouncing between three stories. I'm having a time trying to keep all the characterizations straight considering how different they all are.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New Year's Eve

“ _Awooo~_ ”

Lexa reflexively hugged Wells tighter, before pulling back and narrowing her eyes at him. “You!”

“ _You._ ”

She held him firmly by the shoulders, not glaring but not smiling. Finally, “Acceptable.”

He laughed, pulled her in for another, lighter, hug, and patted her on the back. “You’re pretty alright yourself.”

~~~

“Wells knows.”

“Huh? Oh, yeah, he figured it out a while ago apparently.”

“He greeted me by howling in my ear. Quietly, but still.”

Clarke snorted, clapping a hand over her mouth so’s to not burst out laughing. “He… He howled?”

“Like, really quiet. Like just a little ‘awoo’.”

Clarke slapped both hands over her mouth, shoulders hunching in repressed giggles. Just as she was getting it under control she glanced up at Lexa, “Babe… Babe say ‘awoo’ again. Please.”

Lexa gave her girlfriend a fully deadpan stare. “Awoo.”

Clarke paused for a moment, before sliding down against the cupboards, curling up with her head between her knees, shaking violently with laughs she wouldn’t let out. Lexa stood next to her, bewildered and bemused. “I don’t understand why that’s so funny.”

That seemed to be the wrong thing to say, Clarke fully toppling to the floor and giggle-snorting with desperate gasps for air.

“What have you done to my daughter? Or what has she done to herself?”

“I’m not sure,” Lexa shrugged, watching Abby step around Clarke to get herself some coffee.

“Better help get her under control before Raven sees this.”

Lexa nodded, crouched down next to Clarke and poked her shoulder, “Get a hold of yourself, Raven’s gonna be here any minute and she’ll demand to know what’s so damn funny!”

Clarke nodded, holding her breath, wiped some tears from the corners of her eyes. “It’s just… It’s just your- your face when-” she grabbed Lexa’s shoulders, burying her face in her chest as another round of giggles took over.

Lexa rolled her eyes, patted her on the back, and let her forehead drop onto her head. “I don’t understand why it’s so funny.”

~~~

“They haven’t stopped talking since we got here.”

Clarke followed Anya’s eyes across the room to where Lincoln was standing with Octavia. “Oh, she’s crushing like immediately.”

“How can you tell?”

“She does this thing when she’s flirting, but doesn’t realize that she’s flirting.”

“What thing?”

“Grabs her elbow, it makes her boobs look bigger.”

“Huh, so she does,” Anya cast a sharp glance to Clarke, “She good people?”

“The best.”

“Good.”

~~~

Clarke slapped Wells on the shoulder. “You _howled_ at her?”

Wells grinned, “I knew you’d appreciate that.”

“I fucking loved it. She-” she choked, squeezed her eyes, “She said ‘awoo’.”

“Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. I take it you guys are gonna do the midnight kiss?”

“Yep. I think Raven might scream.”

“I’ll be filming.”

~~~

“So Lexa,” Abby sipped at her wine, eyeing her daughter’s girlfriend now that she’d finally managed to get her relatively alone.

“Abby,” Lexa nodded at her girlfriend’s mother, realizing she’d been cornered.

“We haven’t really had a chance to talk. I know that’s mostly my fault with my schedule.”

“I think it’s safe to say I haven’t made much of an effort there either.”

“Why is that?”

“Holidays are pure chaos,” she shrugged, “trying to navigate all the friends-and-family obligations is exhausting. Seemed more appropriate to wait until things were calmer. I’m glad you managed to be here tonight, though.”

“I am too. It’s nice seeing her relaxed with her friends again. Raven’s been telling me things but, to actually see it, it’s nice.”

Lexa nodded, glancing around the room to try and spot Clarke. She smiled at the sight of her talking animatedly with Octavia and Lincoln, Monty clutching his sides at whatever story she was telling. “It is.”

Abby hummed and turned back to Lexa, “I like you, you’re good for her. She was quiet when she got home, too in her head. You helped bring her back out. Keep doing whatever you’re doing and we won’t have a problem.”

“Yes ma’am, gladly.”

~~~

“Turn up the TV! It’s almost time!”

“I got the remote!”

“Get everyone in the living room!”

Chaos erupted briefly as everyone in the house crammed into the room with the TV, found themselves a glass of champagne or something sparkling, and all the couples paired up. One or two knowing eyebrows raised at Clarke and Lexa glued to each other’s sides but they were otherwise ignored.

“Ready?” Clarke asked into her ear.

“To piss off half our friends? Always.”

Clarke chuckled and hooked an arm around her waist as the countdown started. Lexa wrapped her free hand around the back of her head and tilted her face up. Clarke smiled just before midnight rang out and felt Lexa’s lips on her own.

Cheers from everyone surrounded them, but they ignored it all, too busy enjoying each other, until a shrill “FUCKING FINALLY” rang out, silencing the room.

Clarke pulled away, side-eyeing Raven. “Finally what?”

“I thought you guys were never going to kiss.”

Lexa looked over at her, raising an eyebrow, “Finally was a while ago, then.”

Confusion, comprehension, then irritation flashed across Raven’s face. “The fuck you on about Lexy?”

“Well to start with,” Clarke smirked, “We’ve been official since Thanksgiving.”

There was a beat of silence and then a burst of absolute chaos as their friends processed the information. It went on until Octavia finally shouted out, “So who won the pool!?”

“We did, unless anyone guessed earlier than that.”

A round of grumbles met the statement. 

“And the sex pool?” Octavia demanded, stalking towards the couple.

“Which is super fucking tacky to do, by the way,” Lexa muttered.

“Anyone have August for that? Early August?” Clarke asked the room, grinning broadly at the looks of exasperation and defeat.

Raven screeched, “SHE’S THE WEREWOLF!?”

Clarke’s eyes sparkled as she turned to Lexa, “Babe, babe, babe, _say it_ please babe _say it_.”

Lexa squeezed her eyes tight, slumped her shoulders, and let out the most defeated ‘Awoo’ she could muster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awoo
> 
> I'm not dropping this fic, I'm just also writing a lot for Candles and Piss Off and trying to figure out where I want this one to go. It's not done yet, it's just gonna slow down.
> 
> Wells 'awoo'ing to let Lexa know, popped into my head and demanded to be the start of the chapter.


End file.
